


Ticking Off (You and My Grocery List)

by TheWritingRaccoon158



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, And Tanaka's a sexy-ass ambulance driver, Angst, Blow Jobs, Ennoshita is Yam's struggling co-worker, Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Tadashi's working as a nurse, Tension, a lot of tension, and Tsukki's a part-time supermarket employee, and awkwardness, mostly on Yams' side
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-19 11:13:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 21,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11312211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWritingRaccoon158/pseuds/TheWritingRaccoon158
Summary: Yamaguchi stared absentmindedly at the canned corn, thinking about the old man he waved goodbye a few hours ago, not sure if he would see the man again, tomorrow. It was a sad job, saying goodbye to so many people, listening to so many good stories, seeing so many spilled tears. But he was used to it, used to being sad, used to be around sad people. Maybe someday, when he was fully fed up with the whole dying thing he would change to somewhere else, maybe the kids ward, or the maternity –““Hey.”A voice cut through his train of thoughts, ripping him straight out of it and into the present. He turned around only to be greeted by a pair of golden, bespectacled, half-lidded eyes, glancing at him with an annoyed stance. The man belonging to those golden eyes was a tall blonde, clothed into the market’s employee attire. Yamaguchi blushed as the word attractive popped into his mind, seeing the other one’s short, blond locks, framing his oddly pretty face in a way that made Yamaguchi’s insides tingle. Hours seemed to pass until the man spoke again.“You’re standing in the way.”





	1. Canned Corn

**Author's Note:**

> New day, new ideas...! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ
> 
> I thought about this while... yeah, shopping *duh*  
> The chapters will be really short, I thought about this being a one-shot, but then I decided it has to evolve a bit, and now it's mutli-chaptered.  
> Tell me what you think, I would appreciate it! 
> 
> As always, english's not my first languagne, so please ignore grammatical mistakes o(_ _)o
> 
> |_・)
> 
> EDIT: T H A N K you so, so much for all the encouragement, kudos and hits, this means a lot to me and my subsiding self-esteem! And for whoever it may concern I would like to say that I have a short sequel in mind, with kinda reversed... roles... *huehuehue*   
> Thanks a lot! ~ヾ(＾∇＾)

**Tuesday, 23:46**

Yamaguchi knew he was late.

Hell, he might even be the last one in the market, considering that he didn’t see another poor soul hanging around except the employees, currently busy with stacking up shelves and cleaning the floors. Somehow Yamaguchi felt bad, as if the whole market was just waiting for him to finally finish his shopping. Then he remembered the market closed around 0:00, with or without him being inside.

He didn’t want to go shopping at this ungodly hour, but he was forced to work overtime in his low-payed job in the hospital. It wasn’t a bad job, however, he liked to be around patients, and even the other nurses were nice to him, mostly because he was one of only two male nurses on the whole palliative care unit, but also because he was hard-working, kind and caring towards the patients and their relatives.

Yamaguchi stared absentmindedly at the canned corn, thinking about the old man he waved goodbye a few hours ago, not sure if he would see the man again, tomorrow. It was a sad job, saying goodbye to so many people, listening to so many good stories, seeing so many spilled tears. But he was used to it, used to being sad, used to be around sad people. Maybe someday, when he was fully fed up with the whole dying thing he would change to somewhere else, maybe the kids ward, or the maternity –

“Hey.”

A voice cut through his train of thoughts, ripping him straight out of it and into the present. He turned around only to be greeted by a pair of golden, bespectacled, half-lidded eyes, glancing at him with an annoyed stance. The man belonging to those golden eyes was a tall blonde, clothed into the market’s employee attire. Yamaguchi blushed as the word _attractive_ popped into his mind, seeing the other one’s short, blond locks, framing his oddly pretty face in a way that made Yamaguchi’s insides tingle. Hours seemed to pass until the man spoke again.

“You’re standing in the way.”

Yamaguchi was confused, then he noticed the trolly the other one was dragging, filled with cartons and cans, ready to be stacked in their respective shelves. With his face shining bright red Yamaguchi hopped out of the way, leaving enough space for the tall blond and his wares to pass, not without gawking at him until he was around the corner and out of sight.

Maybe, Yamaguchi liked shopping groceries a bit more, now.


	2. Prawns

**Friday, 22:13**

His last day dealing with the late shift was over, and all Yamaguchi had to do was shopping groceries for the weekend. Not that he needed much, just a bit of meat and cheese, and some fresh vegetables to stir them in the pan. Maybe he should grant himself some prawns? Normally his meals weren’t fancy at all, being single and poor like a church mouse, most friends out of reach since he had been moved into the big city. 'To reach for his dreams.' Yeah, if his dream was to sink into crippling depression alone and bound to a bad-payed job, then he was close. Otherwise, being in the big city would’ve brought him nothing, and admitting this was hard, much too hard for Yamaguchi to think about right now. He was sleepy, and emotionally drained, and the one thing he wanted right now was to fall straight into his comfy bed, not caring about the what ifs and maybe’s right now. This was a topic for another day.

He was about to go to the checkout (Do I have everything I need?) when he bumped against a wall seemingly coming out of nowhere. Except that it wasn’t a wall, but a very tall blond, arms full of noodle packages.

“Ah, sorry!”, Yamaguchi stammered, clutching his basket tight to not topple over when the heat shot in his face. The tall blond, clearly annoyed raised him an eyebrow. Yamaguchi felt his ears burning with heat when the other one let his eyes wander down and up his smaller frame without showing any sign of restraint.

“You’re a late-night shopper”, the blonde noted when his eyes had gone back to focus on Yamaguchi’s glowing face.

“Y-yeah – no, I mean”, Yamaguchi blabbered, “I’ve got the late shift this week.”

The employee watched the embarrassed, slightly shaking boy another brief moment, then he left Yamaguchi standing, unimpressed and straightfaced, quietly continuing with his work.


	3. Chocolate

**Monday, 15:41**

Today was a good day.

… If a good day meant that no one died while Yamaguchi had to work. He chuckled at this thought, thinking about how boastful that might sound when he would say this to someone else. _No one died while I was on my shift_ he thought with an amused smile, picking some chocolate from the middle shelves, _yeah, I’m a cop, babe, you know_ –

His mind drifted off to some kind of caricature of himself, holding a busty blonde in his arms (Why a blonde?), when he felt a weird uneasiness crouching over his back, then a sharp shadow fell over him.

“Don’t move”, a voice came from above, and when Yamaguchi did as he was told (not that he would actually be able to move, he acted like a frightened bunny in critical situations, imitating a stone), someone’s hand appeared over him, stuffing some packages onto the upper shelves. With his heart suddenly beating like a jackhammer he realized that the long-fingered hand belonged to the lanky blond he stumbled into the last two times he went shopping. The same, attractive blond who right in this moment pressed his crotch straight onto Yamaguchi’s backside. With a huffed breath he notices the other one’s front rubbing against his ass, creating some friction Yamaguchi hadn’t ever believed to witness inside a supermarket. Three’ four, five, six atrociously embarrassing seconds passed, then the taller one leaned back, leaving Yamaguchi the space he didn’t know he was yearning for. With a face as red as a beet he turned around, seeing the tall blond showing him a cocky smirk, then he walked away as if nothing had happened. Yamaguchi wished for the floor to swallow him whole before his legs eventually granted him to continue their walk through the aisles.


	4. Oxycodon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, Ennoshita-Senpai... first I drafted this chapter with a younger relative-to-her-dying-gramps Yachi, but it didn't quite turn out like I wanted it... so Ennoshita came to the rescue! ╭( ･ㅂ･)و ̑̑

**Wednesday, 11:12**

“You’re pretty sweet, Yamaguchi-kun.”

The glass bottle fell down on the metallic trey with a huge _plonk_ , giving away Yamaguchi’s nervousness before he could even turn around to show Ennoshita, his fellow co-worker, his brightly lit face.

“T-thanks”, he stuttered, showing the dark-haired boy a wide smile, irritated but genuine, then he turned back onto his work, preparing some painkilling medicine for one of their patients. _Where was that coming from?_

Most of the time Yamaguchi and Ennoshita didn’t share the same shift, as both of them were equally tall, unduly capable and overall the calm anchor in contrast to the much more psyched up female nurses on the palliative care unit, means they always had to work opposing shifts so there would be one of them to calm down the noisy and rather nervous females – and one to be able to reach for the commodities stored on the higher shelves.

Yamaguchi liked Ennoshita, who always was walking down the death-haunted hallways with a steadfast but somewhat tired smile, who was calm and concentrated, who could talk with the suffering patients as well as with their relatives, who would always put in a good word for his co-workers, irrespective of their relationship. Yeah, Yamaguchi liked Ennoshita, but not _like_ -liked him, so his eyes widened almost comically, slowly processing what the other one had just stated.

“W-why did you say that?”, Yamaguchi stammered, not looking up from the metallic tray he was preparing the medication at.

“What?”, Ennoshita gave back wearily, and Yamaguchi cursed himself inwardly for even asking.

“That I – I’m… pretty sweet?”, he repeated the other one’s words, and Ennoshita let out a small, huffed laugh.

“No worries”, Ennoshita replied, showing his tray a smile, “I’m not hitting on you.”

Even if Yamaguchi was half disappointed (because Ennoshita flirting with him means Yamaguchi would actually be _worth_ flirting with) he was glad, awkward tension vanishing almost immediately. And, until now, Yamaguchi was quite sure the other one had cast an eye on one of the hospital’s ambulance drivers, the muscular buzzcut-guy with the bright grin who occasionally appeared at their ward, making Ennoshita swoon like a schoolgirl.

“I just wanted to compliment you.”

Yamaguchi showed Ennoshita a short smile, thankful that the other one would compliment him without any ulterior motives.

“Yeah, okay”, Yamaguchi muttered, heat rising into his ears, “thanks, I guess.”

“I think you need it”, Ennoshita stated with a smirk when he lifted his tray up to deliver his medications to the patients, and Yamaguchi followed shortly after.


	5. Tuna Sandwich

**Wednesday, 12:30**

“Why did you say I’d need it?”, Yamaguchi asked after gulping down his lunch, remembering Ennoshita’s statement from before.

“What?”, Ennoshita asked, and Yamaguchi had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. As perceptive as Ennoshita was most of the times, his memory didn’t seem to be the best.

“Your compliment”, Yamaguchi replied, “you said I would need it.”

“Ah.” Ennoshita, who had his head propped at his hand stared absentmindedly out of the window when he replied. “I just thought you need some reassurance.”

Yamaguchi gave his co-worker a quizzical look, and even though the other one couldn’t see his face he sensed that he said something dubious, again, and turned towards Yamaguchi.

“I’m not trying to be mean, I think you’re a nice guy, with a bit too little self-esteem. You’ll never get a girlfriend like this.”

Yamaguchi raised him an eyebrow.

“… or boyfriend?”

The eyebrow came down instantly, turning into a frown.

“I – I’m not insecure,” Yamaguchi stated, even though he knew that was a flat lie. Of course he was insecure, why else would he stutter like an idiot right now. “You know, I want… a girlfriend – or boyfriend, I don’t really care, but… this job eats up all my freetime, and there’s my family, who –“

Yamaguchi gave up talking, realizing that Ennoshita’s gaze was ripped back to the windows, an ambulance currently parking right in front of the glass wall, and Yamaguchi was sure his whiny bleating would never win against a man’s muscular backside clothed in a sweaty tanktop.


	6. Frozen Peas

**Thursday, 16:43**

To say he didn’t try to go shopping while the tall blond was working would be a flat lie. To say he was currently acting like a weird stalker while he roamed the aisles inconspicuously would be closest to the truth, even if Yamaguchi didn’t want to admit it.

He didn’t even need much, just some noodles and maybe some fresh bread, but that didn’t prevent him from walking up and down the market twice just to admit that the blond wasn’t there.

Yamaguchi sighed, defeated, and somewhat dissatisfied, pitying himself for the fact that the sole presence of a snarky guy he didn’t even know at all was the shining peak of his whole week. Not that he wanted to actually do anything, not speaking of talking with the other one. He just wanted to look, maybe fed his daydreams a bit, about the other one’s infatuating eyes, or about how the other one’s lips would feel against his own. Would they be soft? Or, more like thin and dry chapped? Would he be a good kisser? Was Yamaguchi even a good kisser himself? Sure, he’s had his fair share of one night-lovers, but literally none of them, men or women, remained in his vicinity long enough to actually tell him how well developed his kissing abilities were – at that surely speaks for itself, much to his displeasure.

He strolled down the cooling shelves, searching and finding some frozen peas, then he walked to the checkout, all washed-up and busy with thinking about dinner, dropping his groceries onto the checkout belt, when a pair of pale, long-fingered hands caught his attention. His heart leapt into his throat when he toyed with the idea of collecting his things and changing onto another lane, but the pale hands belonging to the tall, ever-so fretful blond already pulled the first item over the scanner. He shot Yamaguchi a quick glance, seemingly unimpressed while the fidgeting brunet fumbled his wallet out of his bag. The blonde seemed to really hate working at the checkout, he wasn’t a single bit cautious with Yamaguchi’s items and looked at the peas as disinterested as one can possibly look while scanning a frozen bag of vegetables. Yamaguchi could only guess that’s why the other one was mostly busy with filling the shelves instead of actually enforcing him to handle the customers directly.

With horror Yamaguchi realized he hadn’t single penny left in his purse, just his ATM card, and he nearly dropped the small plastic card after fiddling it out of its case.

“6,49”, the blond simply stated, waiting for Yamaguchi to respond.

“Ehm”, Yamaguchi muttered, showing the blond his ATM card, “I-I don’t have any cash, so…”

The blond shrugged his shoulders as if he wanted to say _Tell me one good reason why I should care_ , unlocked the card-reader unit and took the card from Yamaguchi’s hands, brushing his fingertips slightly. Yamaguchi felt a shiver running over the little hairs in his neck, both men waiting in awkward silence for the device to finish its work. Yamaguchi inconspicuously examined the blonds facial features, noticing the sharp, golden eyes once again, then he let his gaze wander down to his lips, thinking about his train of thoughts from before, about how it might be to kiss these lips… He continued further downwards, to the other man’s name tag, and his mind sparked with a sudden idea. _Tsukishima K._ read the name tag, and Yamaguchi made sure to remember it until he was able to Facebook-stalk him later that night. He noticed the rim of a blue T-shirt sticking out of the white employee-uniform, and Yamaguchi could nothing but think about how it might look underneath the other one’s shirt. Sure, the guy named Tsukishima was pale as hell, and pretty lanky, and for sure not even slightly muscular, but Yamaguchi didn’t care. For him the other one was incredibly captivating, with his vigilant golden eyes, his pinkish lips, his soft-looking hands… Yamaguchi’s gaze trailed even further down, to where the blond was sitting at the comfortable chair behind the counter, and Yamaguchi was unable to not think about the other one’s private parts instantly.

Was it inappropriate wanting to blow someone without even knowing him?

“See something you like?”, the blond deadpanned, not a single emotion running through his face despite a raised eyebrow behind his thick-rimmed glasses, shoving the bill and a pen towards Yamaguchi to sign. Yamaguchi yanked out of his daydream, suddenly very aware that the other one had caught him staring unabashedly ( _staring at his crotch, you klutz!_ ), and with trembling fingers he quickly scribbled his signature onto the bill.

“I wasn’t –“, Yamaguchi babbled, giving pen and paper back, “I-I mean I wouldn’t –“

Yamaguchi wanted to explain his staring – not that he could reason his doing without looking like a creep, but at least he wanted to try wriggling out of this shipwreck. But the blond had already begun to swipe the next customer’s items over the scanner, ignoring the stuttering, brunet mess altogether. Yamaguchi, accepting that bright red would maybe stay as his face’s permanent color from now on quickly gathered his belongings and crept out of the market, asking himself if it is physically possible to die of embarrassment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *pssst*  
> I didn't mention a specific currency, it would be € for me, but you can fill in whichever currency you favour! (*＾-‘) 乃


	7. Instant Ramen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rating goes up, up, up!

**Thursday, 22:35**

Yamaguchi sat on his bed, wrapped in a blanket, laptop on his lap, ( _Aaah, that’s where the word is coming from_ he thought, rolling his eyes when he realized his slow-wittedness). He was about to search through Facebook frantically, already prepped with some hot, strong coffee, a cup of instant ramen and his phone muted. _I have to search for someone named Tsukishima, with a given name starting with a ‘K’…_ He typed the name and was almost instantly disappointed of how fast his search came to an end. Only a few male accounts by the name Tsukishima were registered, one of them catching his attention specifically.

 _His name starts with ‘K’… and this one’s called Kei… that’s seriously stupid, just like that one Simpsons episode where Homer learns that his middle name, abbreviated with a ‘J.’ is actually Jay…!_ Yamaguchi giggled, clicking on the profile picture, and there he was, showing the faintest hint of a smile while another blond guy was wrapping his arm around his shoulder. _His brother, maybe?_ Yamaguchi stared at the picture for a while, imagining the blond showing him such a smile, thinking about his given name rolling from Yamaguchi’s lips while groping each other.

_Kei… Kei… oh please, go on Kei… hm… yeah, like this…_

Aaaand he was hard.

Yamaguchi peeked downwards where his dick began to demand his attention, and he didn’t need another second to give in to his urges. Quickly he set his laptop aside, flipping it shut so the other one’s profice pic wouldn’t look at him (since he was a kid he idiotically believed that one could look through his photo what another one was doing, and even today he wouldn’t jerk off while someone’s photographed face was staring at him), instead he imagined himself on his knees, sucking the blond’s – no, Tsukishima Kei’s cock eagerly while listening to his moans, quiet but nonetheless tantalizing. Right now he pulled down his pants enough to wrap a hand around his painfully hard, flushed dick, pumping himself with quick, well-practiced strokes. He came with a muffled sigh, spilling all over his hand and his pants, mind still lingering over the fainting illusion of another one’s cum running down his sore throat.

A few minutes later, after washing away the revealing evidence of his poor self-gratification he concentrated onto his laptop, again. He sighed, mildly frustrated but not the slightest surprised - of course his stalking had to end here because of the blond’s privacy settings, revealing nothing but his name and profile pic.

But that wouldn’t deter Yamaguchi from jerking off another time shortly afterwards, falling into deep slumber as soon as he was finished, hoping he’d dream about the blond employee named Tsukishima Kei.


	8. Curry

**Saturday, 09:03**

**Monday, 10:41**

**Wednesday, 12:06**

**Friday, 10:37**

**Monday, 22:17**

**Thursday, 22:19**

Where the heck was he?

The blond employee named Tsukishima Kei was nowhere to be seen, now for the umpteenth time for almost two weeks.

_Why wasn’t he here?_

Yamaguchi loitered in the supermarket’s aisles like some petty shoplifter, already fearing his nervous fiddling would attract the personnel’s attention at some point. He was incidentally stuffing some things into his shopping basket, thought about cooking some spicy curry like his mother had used to do, asking himself another time where the subject of his wet dreams might be.

_Was he working on another shift?_ Maybe Yamaguchi’s timing was just bad.

_Maybe he was on vacation?_

And why the _heck_ did Yamaguchi even care so much about this damn guy? He should soft-pedal his unhealthy obsession and go on with his life, not thinking about this sick crush he had on someone as unresponsive as the lanky blond.

_… But what if Tsukishima might quit his job?_

_Arrgh_ , Yamaguchi wanted to rip his hair out, wanted to scream or at least shoving his fist into a punchbag for having a life so utterly dull that the existence of an attractive stranger seemed to be his sole light currently.

_This is really pathetic,_ I am _pathetic._

_Why do I even care so much?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *pssst*  
> Yamaguchi works: early shift - late shift - night shift, each for one week, except on Saturdays...!


	9. Olives

**Saturday, 10:57**

Suddenly, the blond was there again. The market was closing in an hour, and, as if nothing had happened, the guy was there. Sure, nothing _had_ actually happened, at least for no one  else than Yamaguchi himself.

Not seeing the other one for such a long time had awoken something inside Yamaguchi, something deep what had been inert and useless for most of his life, and today was the day he would give in to this yearning; today, he dared to do something about the way life was rolling over him like an avalanche.

Collecting whatever guts he had left in his body he beelined through the market, straight onto the blond who was leaning over a cooling shelve, boredly checking some expiry dates, only showing the tiniest bit of emotion when the slightly shorter brunet appeared in his vision.

“Do you –“, Yamaguchi huffed, heart pumping like mad, breath withholding like he had run a marathon. _Do you want to go out with me?_ He wanted to say it, wanted to _yell_ it into the world for everyone to hear, wanted to finally do something he won’t ever regret, even if it would backfire, because at least he was trying to do something about his miserable existence.

“Do you –“, he repeated, looking into the taller one’s eyes with a stern determination, not even blinking, not even fidgeting, not even stuttering.

Then, his shoulders lowered down, and he let out a defeated huff.

“Do you know where the olives are?”

_I’m such a looser._

The tall employee gave him a long stare, so long it might be discomforting, weren’t it for Yamaguchi to feel like shit right now, a feeling overweighing nearly everything.

“Yeah”, the blond replied after what seemed to be an eternity, showing Yamaguchi his tantalizingly gorgeous, bespectacled eyes, and for a short, odd moment it felt like the answer for the question Yamaguchi didn’t dare to ask. The blond cleared his throat, pulling his eyes away from Yamaguchi. “Down there, right next to the canned vegetables.”

“Thanks”, Yamaguchi murmured, prying his eyes away, wandering down the rows of goods, not not deigning the olives a single look, accepting that he, like the leopard, would never be able to change his spots.


	10. Meat

**Monday, 05:45**

Yamaguchi crouched out of his house, tired and still upset because of his inability to simply express his needs. Never, not even once. He was walking around the building through the mild summer morning, strolling by the supermarket’s delivery zone where the employees were out smoking occasionally, when suddenly someone yanked him aside, dragging him into the dimly lit shadow of the supermarket’s roofed parking spots.

“H-Hey”, he whined, feeling strong fingers pressing into his biceps, “Let me… go?” The last word was more a question than an exclamation when the sudden realization overcame him that his kidnapper was the lanky blond named Tsukishima, showing him a mischievous smirk. “W-what do you want?”

“My answer was Yes”, the blond simply stated, not letting go of Yamaguchi’s arm. Yamaguchi didn’t understand a bit.

“What?”

“When you asked me – well, I said yes.”

Yamaguchi remembered, when he wanted to ask the other one out but instead chickened out and asked him for olives.

“Yeah, you told me where the olives were”, Yamaguchi replied, still not quite processing that this was maybe the longest conversation he ever had with him.

“Come on”, the blond named Tsukishima retorted, raising his eyebrows, “I know you wanted to ask something else.”

Yamaguchi’s guts froze, hearing how utterly obvious his approach might have been.

“W-why would you think that?”, he replied, shaking, and the blond finally let his arm loose, only to approach him a tad more, invading Yamaguchi’s personal bubble without hesitation while Yamaguchi’s mind almost quit its services.

“Look at me”, Tsukishima demanded, and Yamaguchi gulped _. It’s not like I’m able to do anything else right now._ “Do I look like an idiot?”

“No?” The way Yamaguchi turned this statement into a question made the other one chuckle. _He chuckled_. Yamaguchi could die in peace because he saw this godly creature _chuckling_!

“See, I am not dumb, and I know you wanted to ask me… maybe if I would go on a date with you?”

Yamaguchi never blushed faster in his life.

“N-no!”, he repelled, now shaking like a leaf despite the warm, somewhat moist morning air. “I – really, I wanted to know, where the olives were! I…”

Tsukishima, leaning forward even further, served him a knowing smirk. Yamaguchi sighed, realizing that it was no use to try to hoax the other one’s striking perceptiveness.

“Yeah, just this, it was… just this what I wanted to ask you.”

“Hm.” The sole syllable Tsukishima replied, combined with a smug smile almost made Yamaguchi turn on his heels, embarrassment and regret washing over his soul in waves.

“Well…”, he dared, with nothing to lose anymore, “Would you? … go out with me, I mean?”

The answer came promptly, not in the shape of words but in soft lips pressing themselves on his own, together with long-fingered hands cupping his cheeks. Yamaguchi let himself fall into the kiss almost instantly, replying with opening his mouth slightly, allowing the other one’s tongue to enter, letting him brush over his own heated tongue while Yamaguchi’s hands sought out for a place to hold himself onto. He was soon finding some warm, strong hipbones, clothed into a fuzzy jacket, and without thinking he softly rubbed his thumbs into the cloth, gently brushing over the taller one’s hipbones and waist while their kiss got even deeper, even more yearning, wanting, longing.

And now, Yamaguchi decided to go for broke.

His shaking hand crept down the other one’s clothes, down to his tight fitting jeans, and without hesitation, without waiting for approval he cautiously cupped Tsukishima’s groin, circling the blond’s growing arousal with his thumb, softly but determined, drawing a bone-melting moan out of him. The pale, long fingers of his began to trail through Yamaguchi’s dark hair, occasionally scratching his scalp, making him shiver and hum delightfully into Tsukishima’s mouth while he continued groping him through his pants.

“Didn’t expect you to be so straightforward”, Tsukishima hummed in between hot kisses, trailing his tongue down Yamaguchi’s jawline, letting his hands play with the smaller one’s hairline while his breath tickled Yamaguchi’s neck.

“Well, that’s nothing I do n-normally”, Yamaguchi replied, choking down a moan when Tsukishima bit into his neck, softly but eager enough to leave a mark, lapping over it with his tongue. He almost doubled over when Tsukishima sucked at Yamaguchi’s earlobe, feeling satisfied with another humans vicinity like never before. He wanted to feel the tall blond, wanted to taste him, wanted to make him feel good, even if that means to dare himself to lower down on his knees, wide golden eyes staring intensely at him when he unbuckled his belt, slowly, tentatively, like they had all the time in the world and it wasn’t half past five in the morning, in a shoddy garage behind a supermarket.

The truth was he actually hadn’t all the time in the world. He was going to be late to work, and right now, he didn't care at all.

 _Fuck it, the patients will eventually die, with or without me_ he thought, scolding himself for this disrespectful thought shortly after. Sure, doing this while he was supposed to work was selfish, but that’s what he wanted to be, today: for the first time in his life, he wanted to be selfish.

Yamaguchi’s way of being selfish eventually leads to him opening the zipper of Tsukishima’s pants and being face-to-face with his stupid crush’s dick, pressing hard and already wet against the inside of his underwear. Yamaguchi glanced upwards, straight into Tsukishima’s expectant eyes, licking his lips unconsciously.

“Do it if you want”, the other one’s hushed voice echoed through the morning air, smirking nearly noticeable while he let his fingers trail through Yamaguchi’s dark strands, “I won’t hold you back.”

Permission given or not, Yamaguchi’s couldn’t care less, he definitely wasn’t able to backpedal, anymore. He wanted this, he so, so, so wanted this, and it felt right, _oh so_ right, prepped on his knees in the dim morning light, ready to suck off a guy he’d never talked more than a few lines with. Eagerly he drew Tsukishima’s damp underwear down, just enough to free his cock, thick and purple and dripping and _beautiful_. Yamaguchi gave the head a playful lick, drawing another quiet, muffled moan out of Tsukishima who watched Yamaguchi with wide-blown pupils, gently brushing over his hair. Yamaguchi liked this situation so much, being the one on his knees but being so fully in control nonetheless, it was an overwhelming, powerful feeling, and he wanted more of it, more, _more_.

He let his tongue trail down Tsukishima’s length, over the pulsating vein, down until he was brushing over a thin, fair hairline, then he concentrated back onto the tip, suckling at it with closed lips, dipping his tongue into the slit which was oozing with precum, and Tsukishima tensed his fingers in Yamaguchi’s hair, a sign for the brunet to continue his fine work.

“God…”, Yamaguchi could hear Tsukishima mumbling, and Yamaguchi could nothing but smile around the other one’s dick, not really aware that this was really happening. “You’re doing… so well...”

Yamaguchi decided to take this to another base when he wrapped his slick lips around Tsukishima’s cock, swallowing more and more of it, working against his gag reflex up until the end, swallowing Tsukishima’s cock fully to the hilt, then he made a swallowing motion, hollowing his cheeks and drew a low, satisfied groan out of the tall blond that was maybe the best sound Yamaguchi had ever witnessed in his life.

“Oh _god_ ”, Tsukishima moaned, throwing his head back and letting his hips jerk forward, into Yamaguchi’s mouth, shoving his dick even deeper into the brunet’s throat, if physically possible. Yamaguchi let Tsukishima’s dick slide out, took his time to grasp for air and nibbled at the head for a moment, humming quietly against the throbbing flesh, drawing another one of those delicious groans out of Tsukishima.

One thing was obvious to Yamaguchi right now; He might not be the prettiest one, nor the tallest or the most confident person, but he gave some damn good blowjobs. _Maybe not an ability to write in my CV, but, well, could be worse._

Yamaguchi let his head bob up and down the other one’s length, occasionally sucking him in deep, licking around his shaft with swift movements, until Tsukishima began to buck into Yamaguchi’s mouth, again.

“Don’t – ah, _stop_ …!”

Yamaguchi may never find out if Tsukishima wanted to tell him to stop or to not stop, but with another shiver and a deep-voiced growl coming out of his throat the tall blond came, pouring his bitter, sticky cum into Yamaguchi’s mouth and throat, and Yamaguchi had resolved to take it all. He waited, patiently, sucking Tsukishima’s orgasm out of him, waiting for him to come down from his high, then he let go of his limb cock, shakily rising up to stand before the shivering but pleased blond.

“That – yeah…”, the blonde gave out while tucking his spent cock back into his pants, for once not able to give out a snarky remark, and Yamaguchi felt a weird kind of pride bubbling up his insides while he wiped his mouth with the backside of his hand. “Wow. Can I book you?”

“Not on weekends”, Yamaguchi gave back cheekily, and Tsukishima drew him into another tantalizing kiss despite tasting his own cum on Yamaguchi’s lips. When Tsukishima let go of him his wide-blown, gold-rimmed eyes looked deep into Yamaguchi’s own.

“There’s… work, you know, I – I have to go to work.” Yamaguchi felt his usual self coming back, full of insecurities, as if he hadn’t given a mind-blowing ( _huehue_ ) blowjob just now. Tsukishima nodded, plucking his fingers out of Yamaguchi’s arms, showing him a somewhat unsure look.

“Can I… do you maybe…”

“Want to repeat this?”, Yamaguchi completed his sentence and showed him a genuinely happy smile. “Yeah, I’d like to.”

Tsukishima showed him a rare, brief smile in return, a smile so soft and uncharacteristically Yamaguchi wondered how many people were honored to see it during his lifetime. 

“The topic might stay the same”, the blond remarked while he was already on his way towards the supermarket’s back door, “but the composition will most definitely vary.”

Yamaguchi blushed, showed the concrete floor a silly, broad smile, the he made his way to his work, way too late but hopping sometimes like a love-drunk fool. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ﾟ▽ﾟ)/  
> Tell me what you think so far!


	11. Bile

**Monday, 12:43**

Yamaguchi had gotten the scold of his lifetime.

“Don’t worry too much”, Ennoshita comforted him, for once not distracted by a certain muscular ambulance driver, “The old hag just wants to rile you up.”

“Doesn’t change the that I got a warning letter”, Yamaguchi murmured into his palms, still not believing that the probably best day of his life could go completely downhill in such a short time. He got _a warning letter_ , for being twenty minutes late, and the sole justification for this was a personnel manager in her midlife crisis and the allegation that he would slack off more and more during his work – what was evidently not the case. Even though it wasn’t the best and certainly not the most fulfilling job, he always did his work, reliably and thorough. Being called a slacker sure pulled on his nerves. He had to concentrate hard onto the cause for his delay, wanted to savor the thought of their matutinal togetherness a bit more before life would draw him into the hell that was called daily routine. He closed his eyes, remembered the other one’s ardent moans, recalling that he had been asked to repeat that, and that thought made his heart flutter and his mind become as light as a feather. Tsukishima Kei would be his way out of this monotony, out of this hell, and out of the dullness that was his life until now.


	12. Melon-sized Butterflies

**Wednesday, 5:31**

“So you got lectured because of me?”, Tsukishima chuckled, placing kisses against Yamaguchi’s neck, fingertips slipping under the seam of Yamaguchi’s cardigan.

“Yeah”, Yamaguchi gave back, smiling sillily, fighting against the sensation of being tickled, “It was really stupid, anyway.”

“Where do you work at?”, Tsukishima mumbled against Yamaguchi’s electrified skin, and even if Yamaguchi didn’t want to talk about work right now, he wanted to actually talk with Tsukishima, get to know him a bit more.

“As a nurse”, he hummed, drawing a surprised hum out of the tall blond, “In a palliative care unit.”

“Palliative?”, Tsukishima repeated, and Yamaguchi nodded even if the other one might not see it, nibbling at his earlobe at the moment. 

“That means –“

“I know what that means”, Tsukishima intervened, biting softly into the cartilaginous flesh.

“Oh, where from?”, Yamaguchi inquired, containing a hissed moan when Tsukishima’s fingers worked their way upwards, caressing Yamaguchi’s flat stomach with slow, teasing swirls of his fingertips.

“I’m not working here because I want to slog until I die”, Tsukishima replied, and Yamaguchi chided himself for thinking that the smart blond would actually be satisfied with working in a miserable supermarket. “I’m studying, this is only my financial source.”

“W-what subject?”, Yamaguchi pressed out, sensing Tsukishima’s fingers trailing towards his nipples, and he felt the taller one smile cheekily against his skin.

“behavioral psychology”, Tsukishima huffed out, and the contrast of hearing Tsukishima’s highly challenging major and his moaning into Yamaguchi’s ear made the brunet shiver in excitement.

“Ah, that explains a lot”, Yamaguchi gave back rashly, and Tsukishima flicked his sensitive nipples teasingly.

“So? What exactly?”, Tsukishima giggled against Yamaguchi’s neck, making Yamaguchi gasp when he pinched one of his nipples in between his fingers.

“Why you’re so intimidating”, Yamaguchi tried to make Tsukishima believe even if he might’ve wanted to say _explains why you’re so good at playing tricks on me_ , not that the much-too-intelligent-for-his-own-sake Tsukishima Kei couldn’t guess what Yamaguchi was pointing at.

“You’re a pretty cheeky brat”, Tsukishima sneered, not without a hint of a smile, then he slowly stopped teasing Yamaguchi’s nipples and slid his hands down, towards Yamaguchi’s pants, fiddling with the waistband.

Yamaguchi had to walk approximately ten minutes to work, and there he had to wear scrubs, so most of the time he slipped out of his PJs into a comfy pullover and sweatpants, which might made him look like a slob sometimes but turned out to be pretty convenient, considering the way how hands could slip easily inside without much struggle. Yamaguchi let out a surprised huff when he felt Tsukishima brush over his erection, remembering how the other one had told him to change the composition when they would meet again. Yamaguchi, being untouched for ages and therefore sensitive as hell nearly came undone the moment Tsukishima began stroking his length, pale fingers grazing the silky, sticky skin as if he did this professionally ( _You never know_ , Yamaguchi thought amused, _being a student demands its sacrifices_ ).

“Tsukki –“, Yamaguchi stuttered, and Tsukishima gave him an amused look.

“What was that?”, he asked, intensifying his grasp around Yamaguchi’s dick as if he wanted to repay him for giving him such a childish nickname. “Ah, you’re not very enduring.”

“You’re doin’ a good job”, Yamaguchi let out, choked and flushing red from ear to ear, turning into a shivering puddle in the other one’s hands. He shrugged his hips against the other one’s hands, yearning for a quick release, mostly because he really didn’t want to be late to work today, but also he wanted desperately to come from Tsukishima’s magical touches.

“Come, Tadashi”, Tsukishima murmured straight into Yamaguchi’s cerebellum, and Yamaguchi didn’t even have the perception to ask himself why Tsukishima knew his given name without even telling him – although Yamaguchi had moaned Tsukishima’s name, too. “Come for me… you’re doin’ so good…”

The surprisingly talkative Tsukishima Kei whispered a string of filthy nothings into Yamaguchi’s ear, stroking his length until the brunet felt a sensation swell in his lower abdomen, crushing over him like a wave, hitting him offhand and like a wrecking ball, and he had to pant and wheeze a while until he was able to speak again. When he saw Tsukishima pulling his hands out of Yamaguchi’s pants, licking off some of the excess cum that was still sticking onto his fingers and palm Yamaguchi could swear he went instantly hard a second time. Tsukishima gave Yamaguchi a playful smirk.

“Why do you know my name?”, Yamaguchi asked, casually, sorting his clothes with shivering hands, peeking on his phone to check the time. 5:50.

“Your ATM card”, Tsukishima gave back, and Yamaguchi’s mouth gaped open, scolding himself for ignoring the obvious. “So… I see you again, Tadashi?”

Yamaguchi gulped, stomach filled with melon-sized butterflies when Tsukishima let his hand go to stroll back into the market, beginning his shift.

“You sure bet, Kei.”


	13. Lemons

**Friday, 16:47**

“Yeah Mom, I – yeah, I checked it, but… yes, the plumber is on his way, Mom, but…”

Yamaguchi sighed, phone stuck between his ear and shoulder while he rummaged around his kitchen cupboards for a bucket or something equally big. He found one, yanked it out of its storage (not without knocking down a few bottles of cleaning fluid and dish soap), then he walked back to his bathroom where a huge, mucky puddle began to build right below the spot where it drips out of the crumbled ceiling, turning his small bathroom into a smelly, moist mess.

“I swear, this rathole isn’t even worth its rent”, he mumbled, nervously pinching his nose with two fingers while he grabbed the phone again to release his aching neck. “What? No, Mom, I… yeah, I chose to live here, I got you the first time you told me – no, I won’t come back home, I’m an adult now… yeah, yeah Mom, go look for the turkey, I’ll call you later… say Hi to Dad for me, okay? Love you.”

He ended the call, half glad he won’t have to deal with his overly protective mother anymore, one half sad because he knew that she was right, anyhow. He chose to live here, to travel out into the wide world, even if he could have been living with his parents, as the hospital was only a few bus stops away from home.

His sole release from this sad train of thought seemed to be Tsukishima, for the umpteenth time this week. Yamaguchi hadn’t seen the blond the last two mornings, what was quite good today because he had overslept and might’ve been late to work, even without sharing kisses and blowjobs early in the morning. But the thought of the blonde, how they had been kissing and caressing each other, even if it was just in the shallow light of the streetlamps made his inside’s twist and turn comfortably, and his angsty demeanor fade within seconds. Even if it all goes downhill, there’s always a light, Yamaguchi believed that from his very soul, and right now it felt as if this statement would be truer than ever. The doorbell rang, ripping Yamaguchi out of his daydreams, and with a surprised yelp he jumped and ran towards the door, hoping the plumber would eventually fix the dripping ceiling-problem.

 


	14. Bananas and Apples

**Monday, 12:34**

This week Yamaguchi had to work the late shift, being coerced to leave his flat approx. ten minutes before 2 in the afternoon, but he left a full hour earlier to make a detour to visit his favorite supermarket employee. He found the object of his desire filling the vegetable-shelf with some bananas and apples, bored and expressionless as ever, but with a faint glint of expectancy in his eyes as soon as he saw the smaller brunet approaching.

“Hey”, Yamaguchi greeted him, as if he was just a distant acquaintance, smiling softly but not enough to get Tsukishima into a fix in front of his co-workers.

“Hey”, Tsukishima replied, lovelessly stuffing the shelves, side-eyeing Yamaguchi when he didn’t show any inclinations to move. “What… do you want?”

Yamaguchi frowned, showing Tsukishima a questioning glance.

“I… just wanted to see you, I guess?”, he blabbered, scratching his neck uncomfortably.

“Ah”, Tsukishima replied, not showing any insight what he maybe had been thinking about this. “And… now?”

Yamaguchi flinched. Was it so weird to visit the one who has been sucked off and gave a handjob in return? Did Yamaguchi overestimate the blond’s intentions?

His heart began to pound painfully against his ribcage.

“I dunno”, Yamaguchi muttered, even if he knew exactly what he wanted but was unable to express it. “Maybe we could… go somewhere… you know, where there’s nobody to –“

“Listen”, Tsukishima said, quietly but clear enough for Yamaguchi to drop silent instantly. “I don’t know what you thought this is, but I don’t want – whatever you thought I would be to you.”

Yamaguchi couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Absentmindedly he felt tears wetting the corners of his eyes, and he looked down to the floor to hide his face from the other one.

“So…”, the blond let out, casually continuing filling the shelves as if he hadn’t just broken another one’s heart to pieces, “If you want to continue this kind of superficial relationship, then I’m willing to repeat what happened. Otherwise… it might be better for you to go.”

“Tsukki…”, Yamaguchi murmured, not caring that the other one could see his wet eyes. The blond sighed, showing Yamaguchi an irritated glare.

“And – stop with that weird nickname”, Tsukishima nothing but hissed, and that made Yamaguchi turn on his heels, leaving the market hastily, choking back those stupid tears before anyone might see them.


	15. reverse Fried Rice with Egg & Sausages

**Friday, 21:31**

Yamaguchi called in sick for remaining week, not able to think about anything but the outright rejection he had gotten. Three days he spend with watching his wallpapers, or the floor, or the tacky pattern of his couch cushions, until he was about to almost faint of malnutrition on Thursday evening. It was seriously absurd, feeling like a sappy wimp just because he got rejected by a man he barely knew, and still…

Sure, he had been offered to continue their ‘superficial relationship’, as Tsukishima had been calling it, but that wasn’t what he wanted, anymore. He was much too deep into this whole crush-thing to let loose of it instantly. He wanted to touch the other one, kiss him, sharing breakfast with him and having to argue over the nightly TV-program. He wanted to see Tsukishima get his master degree in psychology, wanted to be surprised by the other one after an especially exhausting shift, he wanted to experience so many little things with Tsukishima, and yet… his dreams and wants and needs where shattered into tiny bits, just because the other one wanted this to remain as shallow as possible.

No, just because Yamaguchi had interpreted way more into this than he should, it was no use to blame the other one for expressing his very own needs when Yamaguchi instead wasn’t able to express his own.

He felt sick, and even sicker after he had managed to crouch into his kitchen to cook himself some instant rice with egg and sausages. He tried to prevent himself from hurling, and he managed to do so until he fell into a light sleep on his couch, but after being woken up by his neighbors ridiculously loud music ( _some bassy dubstep-shit, who even listened to this?_ ) he felt his stomach protesting, and it was only a matter of seconds until he got to the bathroom, spilling the bitter remains of his stomach into the toilet. When the yukky, half-solid liquid was finally out of his system he fell down onto his butt right next to the toilet, wondering if it was possible to fall even deeper down the crumbling stairs that had been his life.

 


	16. Nothing

**Tuesday, 05:49**

“You still look a bit sick”, Ennoshita stated, showing Yamaguchi a worried glance that might equal his mother’s ones.

“I’m feeling fine”, Yamaguchi lied, not sure why he even did lie to his co-worker. “Really, don’t worry about me.”

“Someone has to do it”, Ennoshita replied, sticking out his tongue in concentration, targeting the basket the two men had put down the hallway. A flick of his hand – and the neatly crumbled paper ball flew straight onto the edge, rolling above it for a few, heart-stopping seconds, then it fell into the basket and Ennoshita pumped his fist in the air. “Yes!”

“You should do some sports”, Yamaguchi said appreciatively, throwing his paper ball a mile away from its destination, joining the other ones that had missed their goal. The two nurses hadn’t much to do during night shifts, mostly preparing the medications for the morning shift and filling the commodities that had been used earlier, so they settled onto… other occupations.

“Oh, I did sports, back in High School”, Ennoshita replied, pride flicking over his facial features while he prepared another paper ball. “Volleyball, to be precise.”

“Ah”, Yamaguchi replied, imagining a very diffident Ennoshita during his high school, wondering how well the other might’ve been playing. “That explains a lot. Why didn’t you continue in college?”

“Nah”, Ennoshita replied, “I’ve got no time for training anymore, and I wasn’t that great, anyhow.” Ennoshita aimed again, ball flying in a perfect curve, but this time it came a little short, plopping down the linoleum floor just before the basket. When Ennoshita seemed to notice that Yamaguchi hadn’t been moving he showed his co-worker a worried face, again.

“There’s something wrong with you, I can tell that”, Ennoshita inquired, and Yamaguchi felt it was no use to hold back his thoughts. He wanted to talk with someone about this whole shipwreck, anyhow.

“Fine”, Yamaguchi began, and then he told Ennoshita the whole story, from his developing crush, their shared intimacy and the resulting rejection, and Ennoshita nodded occasionally, showing Yamaguchi a neutral expression while he listened.

“That… Man, I’m really sorry for you”, Ennoshita finally stated, crumbled paper falling down the floor uncared. “You’ve navigated yourself into pretty unknown waters there.”

“I know”, Yamaguchi replied, violently brushing over his face with his palms, “He’s just – I really wanted this to be more, you know.”

“Have you seen him since he rejected you?”, Ennoshita asked, and Yamaguchi shook his head.

“No. I went shopping somewhere else. I just couldn’t see into his eyes. Chikara-kun, just… tell me, what would you do if you were me?”

Ennoshita thought about it a moment, but when he was about to frame an answer the two men heard some rustling down the hallway.

“Shit, that’s the morning shift!”

They quickly collected the evidence of their nightly boredom, and the moment they finished a rather sleepy nurse dragged herself towards them, yawning as a salutation.


	17. Anger

**Tuesday, 6:13**

Yamaguchi squeezed his shirt over his head, thoughts lingering with the gorgeous blond like most of the time during the last days, then, after he slipped into his sweater he waited for Ennoshita to finish changing. The two men strolled down the hallways, silently, until Yamaguchi found the courage to talk again.

“So… did you think about it?”, Yamaguchi probed, and Ennoshita needed to think a moment before he remembered what Yamaguchi was talking about.

“What?

_Seriously, I’m going to kill this forgetful jackass one day…!_

“The advice!”, Yamaguchi sneered, a bit too angry as he wanted to be, but his nerves were not the thickest today, being sleep-deprived and heartbroken, and being tired of living, overall. 

“Yeah, I –“

Ennoshita stopped as if he had been hit with a bat when they walked through one of the hospital’s uncountable back doors, straight into the parking lot where a quite dirty ambulance was currently parked. Ennoshita stared at the driver who was casually leaning against the driver’s door, and Yamaguchi feared that someday the other one’s eyes might just fall out.

And right now, Yamaguchi, currently very heartbroken and not the slightest bit eager to watch his co-worker falling for some random guy for the umpteenth time while he himself waited for at least a tiny helpful advice, had enough.

And he snapped.

“For fuck’s sake, Ennoshita!”, Yamaguchi grunted, loud enough for the whole hall to hear, “Would you please stop swooning over this guy’s ass and talk to me like a decent human being?”

Ennoshita, currently as red as a beet gave Yamaguchi a surprised stare, mouth gaping open slightly. Yamaguchi immediately felt that he had crossed a line. With a murmured apology he stomped past Ennoshita and the ambulance’s crew, already fearing seeing into his co-worker’s eyes ever again.


	18. Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMFG, Thank you for 50 kudos! ˭̡̞(◞⁎˃ᆺ˂)◞*✰  
> This means really, really much to me!

**Thursday, 00:12**

Yamaguchi hadn’t seen Ennoshita for the following nights, and he feared that he had botched what maybe was his only true friendship. He didn’t want to burst like this, he just felt the urge to scream at someone, but this certain someone had clearly not earned his scolding.

But, Yamaguchi wouldn’t be Yamaguchi when this would have been the poor peak of his week.

Who would have had imagined that the hospital’s personnel manager sent him an E-Mail, explaining to him that his outburst in the middle of lots of co-workers had earned him his second warning letter. He hissed some pretty nasty swearwords into his fist when he read the words one by one again, guessing that Ennoshita was the one that had ratted on him. Yamaguchi couldn’t blame him, anyhow, because, _seriously_ , Yamaguchi, the dumbass, had been the one to blare out Ennoshita’s well-protected secret crush, and how could anyone believe that this was something a friend would do?

When the morning shift came and Yamaguchi discovered Ennoshita down the hallway he ran straight past him, not giving the other one a chance to explain or demand anything, Yamaguchi just wanted to flee, flee from his obligations, flee from the mess he had created. Only when he was out of the hospital, panting and sweating he stopped in his tracks, sunk down the hospital’s apothecary backside wall onto his knees, cheeks cupped in his hands, tears dripping down onto the dusty pavement until his body was wrung dry.


	19. Shame

**Monday, 15:08**

The next week, when Yamaguchi came home from his morning shift he felt as if someone had been emptied his soul, leaving only sadness, tiredness and apathy. He hadn’t seen Ennoshita, not that he had wanted to meet him. He still felt like an ass for crying from the rooftops that Ennoshita had a crush on the buff ambulance driver, not to speak about that he had revealed their whole staff that Ennoshita was gay. Not that Yamaguchi cared a bit, he wasn’t better off, but other people _would_ care eventually, would harass him, and for sure they would gossip about him like mad, and Yamaguchi was the one he had to thank for this.

_‘How to screw up someone else’s life’ a book by Yamaguchi Tadashi_ he thought, sighing when he crossed the traffic light and wandered down the street towards his home, past the supermarket and yet another human being that had his role to play in Yamaguchi’s grotty life. _’How to screw up your own life’ by famous author Yamaguchi Tadashi_ he continued his thought, and as if god wanted to help Yamaguchi finish his memoires a certain, bespectacled blond showed up in front of the market, phone in his hand and without his standard work clothes. Yamaguchi felt his heart squeeze, seeing the other one in his nice-fitting, dark jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, and Tsukishima looked outright gorgeous. _How could anyone just walk by this godly creature and not stare at him?_ Yamaguchi asked himself, not able to pry his eyes away from the guy he had been feeling so good, so perfect with a while ago. Yamaguchi was about to walk behind the building’s corner, out of the blond’s sight, when Tsukishima looked up, finding Yamaguchi’s gaze within seconds. The two men stared at each other, and Yamaguchi sensed that his legs gave up walking, remaining still and examining the other man thoroughly. A second, a minute, maybe a month later the blond looked at his phone again, ignoring Yamaguchi as if he hadn’t seen him at all, and that was when Yamaguchi felt his body again, demanded his legs to move again, his face to turn away and his brain to stop wishing to change things that were not changeable.


	20. Stuffed Peppers

**Monday, 22:27**

Yamaguchi, currently freshly showered and stuffed with his dinner – red bell peppers filled with seasoned ground meat, a tasty recipe he got from his Mom, he had decided to at least cook something that might soothe his nerves – heard someone knocking at the front door. Wondering who would condescend themselves to visit a poor soul like Yamaguchi at this ungodly hour he trotted out of his living room, muttering a “Yeah, yeah, I’m on my way…” He feared that it might be his mother, as he hadn’t answered her calls nor replied her messaged for days, and the woman was always in fear of losing her only child to depression. Not that this was an unlikely scenario.

Yamaguchi opened the door, lazily and tired, and the sight of whom was standing before him let his mouth fall open.

“You!“, he bleated, only to be muffled by a pair of lips, pressed against his own while he was urged back into his flat, long fingers gliding through his hair almost demandingly. When his brain was able to assess the situation he pushed the other’s hands away, yanked back as if his lips were made out of poison. “What do you think you’re doin’?”

“I couldn’t forget you”, Tsukishima replied, untypically needy, hands already back in Yamaguchi’s face, and even if the brunet yearned for this touch so badly it felt wrong, misplaced and overall like a bad idea. “When I saw you today, I –“

“Waitwaitwait”, Yamaguchi mumbled with squeezed cheeks while he tried to grip Tsukishima’s wrists to get him off his face. “Don’t even dare to tell me you want to see me now when you turned me down like - l-like a stupid dickhead, okay?!”

“Hey, I’m sorry, okay?”, Tsukishima replied, showing Yamaguchi a poor excuse of a smile, eyes gleaming with unconcealed want, “I didn’t mean to brush you off like this.”

“But you did, and you can’t just appear out of nowhere and – a-and _assault_ me like that!”

Yamaguchi wanted to turn his face away, wanted to push the other one out of his life after he had been treated like a dog, but Tsukishima held him tight between his hands, kissing his jaw and cheeks, little pecks that were too tender to be appropriable.

“Look”, Tsukishima told in between kisses, “I don’t want to marry you, but I liked what we had so…”

Yamaguchi finally plucked Tsukishima’s fingers from his face, showing the taller one a devastating look.

“Y-you really think that’s enough?”, Yamaguchi sneered, backing off from the blond, “Just a ‘sorry, I was a dork’ and then the naïve idiot would be pleased enough to let you play with his feelings again?”

Tsukishima began to show Yamaguchi a frown, and Yamaguchi, who for the first time felt as if he held the strings in his hands continued his rant. “Yeah, I am a fool, and I am easy to please, but I’m not utterly stupid! My life is _hell_ , I – I just badmouthed a colleague and I’m _this_ far away from being fired, and –“ Yamaguchi hadn’t felt his tears until he could taste one of them on his lips, but he decided to not care about what the other one might think about his emotionality. “I just wanted you to be mine, to have someone to feel safe with, someone who would tape my shitty life together, and you destroyed me even more with your stupid arrogance and selfishness and –“

Yamaguchi was cut off once more by Tsukishima’s lips, pressing hard against his own, tear-stained ones, and this time, Yamaguchi didn’t hesitate for a moment and slung his arms around the taller one’s neck, drawing him as close as physically possible. If there was a word for loving at hating someone at the same time then Yamaguchi would describe his feelings towards the snarky blond like this, but for now, when Tsukishima lifted Yamaguchi up by his thighs and carried him towards his living room his mind didn’t care about grammar; Yamaguchi wanted Tsukishima, wanted him so, so bad, he wasn’t able to think anymore. He pressed his awakening dick against Tsukishima’s lower abdomen, desperately yearning for some friction to ease his burning desire while Tsukishima dropped down on Yamaguchi’s worn-out couch, Yamaguchi in his lap and his hands everywhere on the other one’s body at the same time. Yamaguchi briefly lifted his arms for Tsukishima to peel him out of his shirt, and shortly after Tsukishima’s cardigan and shirt flew down to the carpet floor.

“I wanted you so bad”, Tsukishima murmured against Yamaguchi’s skin, leaving small, wet kisses on his neck, hands dipping down into Yamaguchi’s pants, cupping and squeezing his ass. “I couldn’t even think straight.”

“Me too”, Yamaguchi replied, suppressing a moan when Tsukishima bit his earlobe enough for it to hurt, and Yamaguchi’s hips shrugged forward, dick twitching in desperate anticipation.

“How do you want it?”, Tsukishima asked, hushed and a bit out of breath, showing Yamaguchi an expectant smile, hands brushing over the brunet’s spine.

“I – I don’t know”, Yamaguchi admitted, smiling sillily while he leaned his forehead against Tsukishima’s, then he engaged the blond to kiss him again, all tongue, hot and wanton. “Hadn’t thought about it.”

It was true, Yamaguchi hadn’t pondered once over how they would assign the parts in their little play – how could he, being absolutely sure that he had played all his cards wrong regarding the blond who was currently grinding his hips against Yamaguchi’s ass.

Yamaguchi liked to be the receiving one sometimes, but only with a certain kind of partner. And with Tsukishima… well, they were almost equally tall, and for sure equally capable of being on top, and Yamaguchi liked the thought of being devoured by the cheeky blond. But somehow, the imagination of being the one in control, the one who would tame the untamable Tsukishima Kei was arousing, too.

Yamaguchi felt Tsukishima smile against his lips, then the taller one’s fingers let go of his back and shoved Yamaguchi’s pants down a bit, fumbling his dick out of his PJ pants, letting the smaller one shiver in excitement when his fingers brushed past the sensitive head. Yamaguchi helped Tsukishima slip out of his pants enough to free his own hard, oozing dick, and while Yamaguchi slung his arms around Tsukishima as if he was holding on for dear life the taller one encircled both their dicks with his long-fingered hand, pressing them against each other and pumping slowly, tentatively as if he wanted to lengthen the heat of the moment as much as possible. Yamaguchi moaned unabashedly into the other one’s mouth, chest pressing tightly against Tsukishima’s until he began to feel the hot sensation of his orgasm boiling up inside his guts.

“Tsukki – I… - Ah…!” Yamaguchi pressed his teeth into the crook between Tsukishima’s neck and collarbone, thrusting into the tightness around his dick, then his climax hit him, so hard and long and deliciously overwhelming he almost missed how Tsukishima’s body began to tense, then the blond’s hips jerked forward, spilling thick, whitish fluid over his hand and Yamaguchi’s softening dick. Yamaguchi had to wait for his hearing to come back, as well as his numb feet and tingling fingertips, and he smiled into Tsukishima’s shoulder, relieved and satisfied, every little bump in the road of his life forgiven and forgotten.

They both panted and wheezed, and about ten minutes passed until one of them was able to draft coherent words, again.

“That was… wow”, Yamaguchi huffed, lifting his head to see into Tsukishima’s eyes, golden and glistening and filled with gentleness and tenderness. Tsukishima held Yamaguchi by his waist, long fingers intertwined behind the smaller one’s back.

“What?”, Tsukishima asked, a smirk tucking at his lips, “You think you’re done already?”

“Wh – we’re not?”, Yamaguchi retorted, feeling well-spend and relieved enough at the moment, “At least let me catch my breath, okay?”

“Five minutes”, Tsukishima replied, brushing over Yamaguchi’s sensitive backside, tickling him in the process.

“Ah, Tsukki –“, the brunet chuckled, then he had to hold tight onto Tsukishima as the taller one was standing up, lifting Yamaguchi up and carried him towards the hallway.

“My bedroom’s to the right”, Yamaguchi guided Tsukishima through the half-dark hallway, chuckling every time when Tsukishima hit something with his feet or shinbone.

“Don’t laugh”, Tsukishima demanded with a playful pout, “You’re free to walk on your own.”

“Aw, don’t be mean”, Yamaguchi replied with a suppressed giggle, then Tsukishima let him sit down on the edge of his bed, falling down on top of him shortly after, kissing Yamaguchi passionately. Yamaguchi felt his arousal boiling up once again, cock twitching in eager anticipation when Tsukishima pressed his loins against him, let his hips roll softly over Yamaguchi’s revitalized arousal.

“Take that off”, Yamaguchi pleaded, fumbling with the buttons of Tsukishima’s pants, and the blond obeyed without further ado, wriggling out of his jeans while kissing Yamaguchi’s neck and the sharp tendons next to his Adam’s apple.

“Did you decide what you want to do?”, Tsukishima asked, laying heavy upon Yamaguchi, hands brushing up and down his sides.

“Ah, uhm…” Yamaguchi blushed, gladly nearly visible in the shallow moonlight, not sure if he was able to give a very decent answer.

“Come on, tell me”, Tsukishima insisted, lifting his hips a bit so he could slip his fingertips inside Yamaguchi’s loose Pajama pants. “You have a say in this, too.”

Yamaguchi gulped, feeling some sort of misplaced waves of embarrassment crouching up his spine.

“I – I… I – want you to… do me… maybe?” Yamaguchi wanted to roll his eyes about his childish stuttering, but Tsukishima showed him an amused face. He leaned down, until his lips were barely touching Yamaguchi’s ear.

“I kinda hoped for this answer”, he purred into Yamaguchi’s ear, and a igneous shiver ran down Yamaguchi’s whole body. Tsukishima hinted him to lift his hips, then he slid down his loose pants, together with his boxers, and Yamaguchi was frightfully aware that he was fully, unconcealable naked. He had felt a bit more awkward were it not for Tsukishima to nuzzle into his neck, leaving hot, wet kisses and making Yamaguchi feel like the greatest human alive.

“I want you, Tadashi”, Tsukishima breathed into Yamaguchi’s ear, “I want to see your expression when my cock’s filling you up.”

Yamaguchi felt as if something inside his chest exploded, something solid and fuzzy and painfully hot, making him giving out a wanton moan he didn’t know he could produce. Tsukishima motioned for Yamaguchi to slid further up the bed, flushed head now resting on his pillows, and Yamaguchi had to suppress a needy whine when Tsukishima began to place soft kisses onto Yamaguchi’s freckled knees and the insides of his thighs.

“Do you have… you know…?”, Tsukishima asked, thumbs brushing over Yamaguchi’s exposed hips, slipping into the crease between his thighs and lower abdomen.

“O – Oh I have – ah…” Yamaguchi let out a shivered moan, gestured towards the nightstand closest to him. “It’s… there, somewhere, I think –“

Tsukishima showed Yamaguchi a playful smirk, then he leaned sideways to the aforementioned bedside table, rummaging through charger cables and crumpled handkerchiefs, eventually finding a half-emptied bottle of strawberry-flavored lube and a ( _hopefully not expired_  Yamaguchi thought) condom, placing both items onto the bed within reach. 

Tsukishima returned his attention to the brunet’s shivering legs, let his hands slip in between them slowly, scattering kisses onto Yamaguchi’s skin again, making the smaller one giggle breathlessly. Feeling the embarrassment fade a bit Yamaguchi relaxed his legs eventually for Tsukishima to sit between them and the blond crouched upwards for a moment to give Yamaguchi’s navel a few, experimenting licks, dipping his tongue into the small hole in a way that let Yamaguchi squirm beneath his touches. Tsukishima let his tongue and fingers trail through the thin, dark hairline above Yamaguchi’s dick, and then, without any premonition he gave the head a short, testing lick, drawing another delicious moan out of Yamaguchi who clawed his fingers into his bedsheets.

“You really okay with this?”, Tsukishima asked Yamaguchi, eyeing the smaller one with wide-blown pupils, and Yamaguchi let out a strained laugh.

“You’re s-seriously asking me this now?”, Yamaguchi asked, raising his eyebrows in disbelief. Tsukishima showed him his well-known cheeky smirk, taking Yamaguchi’s answer as the permission he needed.

“Tell me if it hurts too much”, Tsukishima claimed before diving down again, lapping at Yamaguchi’s dick while he grasped for the lube, spreading a vast amount of the slick fluid over his fingers, coating them thoroughly before touching Yamaguchi again, spreading his legs even more, letting his lubed-up fingers swirl teasingly around the other one’s entrance. Yamaguchi had to hold back an embarrassingly wanton moan, slapping his palm over his gaping mouth. _Oh how_ Yamaguchi wanted to be devoured by the cheeky blond until he wouldn’t be able to say nothing but his babbled name. Yamaguchi wanted to give Tsukishima his body, his soul, his everything, until Tsukishima would eventually decide to stay with him forever. He wanted to show the gorgeous blond that the decision to be with him would be the right choice, and if he had to prove this with just his body, he gladly accepted the challenge.

Tsukishima let one slick finger glide around Yamaguchi’s throbbing entrance while he let his lips slide down Yamaguchi’s length, distracting him from the pain that might or might not come from entering the tight muscle ring with his fingers. One push against the tightness against a bit of resistance and then Yamaguchi moaned into his palm, feeling Tsukishima’s long finger glide into his heat, tentatively slow, before curling the fingertip slightly, touching Yamaguchi’s insides in just the right ways. When Yamaguchi seemed to be adjusted to the intrusion Tsukishima pulled his finger out only to push it back in, until he was knuckles deep inside his lover’s ass.

“You fine?”, Tsukishima managed to ask, spreading hot breath around Yamaguchi’s dick, and Yamaguchi nodded hastily, one arm slung over his eyes.

“’s okay”, he choked out, hips rolling down and forward against the pleasurable feeling, demanding Tsukishima to continue his work. Eventually Yamaguchi’s shivering hand that was not occupied with hiding his blushing face found its way into Tsukishima’s soft, blond hair, caressing the short strands, tensing occasionally when Tsukishima found an especially sensitive spot. Tsukishima soon decided to add another slick finger, wriggling it aside the other one inside, making Yamaguchi’s hips tense and his cock twitch under Tsukishima’s tongue.

“You’re doing so fine”, Tsukishima praised Yamaguchi, fingers gliding in and out of his ass in a steady rhythm, pressing deliciously against all the right spots. Yamaguchi bit into his lower arm when Tsukishima found his sweet spot, brushing his fingertips over it while he let his tongue glide around Yamaguchi’s cock, and the brunet was unable to comprehend how _the fuck_ he still managed not to explode on the spot, being touched and licked and filled like this.

“Oh god”, he murmured absentmindedly into the crook of his arm, and Tsukishima nudged the limb aside with his unoccupied hand.

“Don’t hide”, he demanded, “I want to see you.” Tsukishima’s golden eyes examined the panting, whining mess under him, deciding to push another finger inside Yamaguchi, and the brunet felt so _good_ , the sharp pain of being pried open almost too much to handle.

But, the pain subsided eventually, leaving only the sweet sensation of being filled, being stretched open, thus making him want even more, want another one’s dick inside, want _Tsukishima’s_ dick.

“Tsukki”, he moaned, hips shrugging forward uncontrollably, “Tsukki, I want – god, p-please…”

“Yeah”, Tsukishima nodded, voice hoarse and filled with need, small peals of sweat pooling down from his hairline when he slowly pulled his fingers out of Yamaguchi, leaving him agonizingly empty. Yamaguchi faintly noticed that Tsukishima fumbled the condom out of its wrapping, rolling it over his own temporarily neglected cock and spreading another large amount of lube onto it before crouching upwards, over Yamaguchi’s sweaty body, kissing the brunet again. Yamaguchi clenched Tsukishima’s face between his shivering fingers, let his tongue dart into his mouth, expressing so much obvious need and want, showing Tsukishima how much he wanted the blond to intrude his body, to mark him as his property. He wanted to make Tsukishima know how much Yamaguchi wanted his cock inside, how badly he wanted to be fucked into the mattress until he was satisfied and sore and unable to walk for days.

Tsukishima stayed like this, kissing Yamaguchi and being kissed by him, one hand wandering down the other one’s thigh, spreading them as much as physically possible, then Tsukishima guided his throbbing, precum-oozing cock to Yamaguchi’s entrance, teasingly flicking his condom-wrapped length against the other one’s appetent hole. 

“Don’t tease”, Yamaguchi gnarled between hot, haphazard kisses, and Tsukishima showed him a tormented but pleased smirk.

“I want to… hear those… sweet noises… you make”, Tsukishima stated in between kisses against Yamaguchi’s jaw, words broken and hushed, then he placed his forehead against the other one’s collarbone and pushed his dick into the tight muscle ring against some resistance until it finally sunk inside, making Tsukishima hiss and Yamaguchi growl. Slowly, with as little movement as possible he sunk even deeper, until his length was buried completely inside Yamaguchi’s ass, rock-hard and throbbing against the other one’s pulsating insides.

“You – you can – I’m f-fine”, Yamaguchi choked out incoherently, giving Tsukishima the approval to move, pulling his dick out of the tight cavern and shoving it back in. Yamaguchi felt Tsukishima’s huffed breaths against his skin, and he wrapped his arms around the blond’s shaky, sweaty back and neck, letting his hips roll down and creating so much astonishingly good friction that even the taciturn Tsukishima moaned unabashedly, holding his hips still for a moment.

“Don’t do that”, he said with an agonized smile, hissing when Yamaguchi could nothing but do it again. “I’ll come instantly.”

Yamaguchi smiled sillily, let Tsukishima do the work for a moment and instead nibbled at the blond’s earlobe, letting his fingers trail through Tsukishima’s hairline, placing kisses against every little bit of skin he was able to reach. Tsukishima panted hard, changing the angle of his thrust slightly when suddenly Yamaguchi felt as if he had gotten an electric shock, whole body tensing, and Tsukishima, _the scheming bastard_ worked his dick onto Yamaguchi’s sweet spot relentlessly, seemingly aiming to turn Yamaguchi into a messy, sweaty puddle before the night would be over.

“God, Tsukki –“, Yamaguchi whined, and Tsukishima let out a huffed laugh, clawing his fingernails into the other one’s hips, most certainly leaving marks.

“I… somehow I begin to like that stupid nickname”, Tsukishima breathed, pressing his lips against Yamaguchi’s neck, not quite kissing him but spreading hot breath around Yamaguchi’s electrified skin.

Yamaguchi felt the tingling sensation of an orgasm build inside his lower abdomen, fearing that he would not be able to hold it back any longer, and Tsukishima, who began to snap his hips onto the wriggling brunet’s ass with an almost violent fervor, might come undone before long, too. Tsukishima’s thrust became unsteady, out of rhythm, and he had to bite his lips, sweat rolling down his face and onto Yamaguchi’s neck.

“Tadashi, ah…!” Hearing Tsukishima moaning his given name triggered something deep inside Yamaguchi’s brain he hadn’t known could be triggered.

He felt as if he seemed to sense everything at once; he could see Tsukishima, sweaty, tensed, thrusting deep into Yamaguchi’s ass and looking undeniably beautiful like this; he could hear him pant and moan and call Yamaguchi’s given name like no one had done ever before; he could smell him, taste him, _feel_ him everywhere, and if he had an additional sense left he was sure Tsukishima’s presence would overflow it, too. Absentmindedly Yamaguchi grabbed his own dripping cock, flushed and purple, and it needed just a few, quick pumps to make him come, moaning and spurting cum all over his fingers and his abdomen. The squishy walls of his ass began to clench around Tsukishima’s throbbing cock, and that was the final bit the blond needed to come undone, orgasm washing over him when he came balls-deep inside Yamaguchi, spurting hot, sticky fluid into the condom, and finally slumping down onto Yamaguchi’s body, panting and wheezing almost lifelessly. Yamaguchi, who felt as if he had exactly zero bones left in his body noticed Tsukishima’s hands brushing through his hair, trembling fingers softly tugging the strands, silently relishing the moment of content motionlessness. Never had Yamaguchi enjoyed the silence of his bedroom like this before.

Slowly, without moving too much Tsukishima pulled his limp cock out of the other one’s ass, drawing a soft moan out of Yamaguchi, then the blond slid off of Yamaguchi’s chest and rolled onto his back, gesturing for Yamaguchi to rest his head in the crook of Tsukishima’s arm. Faintly Yamaguchi noticed that Tsukishima peeled the condom off, but his mind and body were much too occupied to process that information properly.

“You’re good?”, Tsukishima asked after a while, softly drawing circles around Yamaguchi’s back with his fingertips.

“Yeah”, Yamaguchi responded, voice hoarse and somehow foreign, showing Tsukishima an exhausted smile. “I’m feelin’ great.”

Tsukishima showed Yamaguchi a soft smile, then both fell silent for another time.

Yamaguchi liked to watch Tsukishima, pale and sweaty, not overly buff but firm and well-trained in all the right places, and Yamaguchi imagined how it would may be like to witness this breathtaking shape each and every day from now on. A sad, faraway thought crouched into his awareness, hitting his foolishly-loving self like a brickwall. What if the other one still didn’t want what Yamaguchi yearned for so desperately? What if his intentions hadn’t changed? Would Yamaguchi be able to repress his hopes and needs until he got the answer he waited for, eventually? The panting brunet tried to suppress this gloomy train of thoughts, tried to concentrate back onto the man lying next to him, who had just given him obligingly the most precious present one human was able to give one another.

“So… how was your day?”, Yamaguchi asked in a loss for a proper thing to talk about, cringing the moment he asked, and Tsukishima showed him a frown.

“You’re really asking me this now, out of all questions?” The blond looked exasperated, but a smile began to show on his face, and he pinched Yamaguchi’s waist playfully.

“Yeah, I’m – hey, stop that! I’m sorry, I didn’t want to ask this”, Yamaguchi giggled and tried to pat Tsukishima’s hands away who began to tickle the smirking brunet, “B-but I’m interested in you, y-your daily life, so…”

Tsukishima stopped his tickling, and Yamaguchi could see that he examined the brunet before answering.

“Work's not really worth mentioning”, Tsukishima finally replied, eyes now targeting the ceiling, then he began to show a cocky smile. “Oh, but I got laid that evening, so I guess it was a pretty good day.”

“Ah, Lucky you!”, Yamaguchi replied, lifting himself up a bit to see into Tsukishima’s golden eyes. “And, was it good?”

Tsukishima drew Yamaguchi close by his chin, giving him a short, affectionate kiss.

“Meh, could have been worse”, the teasing blond gave out casually after a moment, shrugging his shoulders and pushing his bottom lip forward, but Yamaguchi saw that little smirk tugging at his mouth’s corner. Yamaguchi showed Tsukishima a playful pout, then the taller one drew the squirming brunet into a tight hug, noses pressing against each other’s.

I lied, stupid”, Tsukishima admitted, showing Yamaguchi a tender smile, “It was great.” Yamaguchi remained like this for a moment, then he turned around and drew a blanket over their naked body’s, laying down again onto Tsukishima’s outstretched arm. Yamaguchi watched the other one’s features for a while, until he noticed a faint sign of a frown.

“Tell me what bothers you”, Yamaguchi inquired, and Tsukishima turned around to face him, a discouraging kind of worry written over his face.

“I’m… still trying to figure this out”, he told truthfully, brushing over Yamaguchi’s face with the back of his hand, “As much as I want, I can’t promise you I’ll be here in the morning. I’ll try to assess whatever this means to me, but… I’m not sure myself. So… please, let me estimate this at my own pace.”

Yamaguchi grabbed Tsukishima’s hand, gave it a brief kiss.

“It’s okay”, Yamaguchi replied, even if he was convinced that this wasn’t the case. It wasn’t okay to not know if the blond might stay here until morning, it wasn’t okay for Yamaguchi not to know his stakes. He wanted to lay here forever, together with the gorgeous blond who currently slung his hand loosely around Yamaguchi’s waist, pulling him closer to his own, heated body.

But sure, this wasn’t solely his decision.

A while later he felt the cozy warmth of sleep lulling him in, and for tonight, he wanted to sleep, with the last thing before his eyes being Tsukishima Kei.

_Is this just for today?_

_Will you still be here in the morning?_

_Will you be here to put me together when I fall apart?_

Yamaguchi didn’t want to ask, and for today, he didn’t want to know. He just wanted to feel safe and secured, cuddled in Tsukishima’s arms, and for the rest of the world he couldn’t care less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uff, one big boulder of a chapter in contrast to the other ones, but I didn't want to split this somehow.  
> There will not be much story left, but if you think the two will ride into the sunset together in their carriage now, then I'm sorry to disappoint you. ヘ(>_<ヘ)  
> Tell me what you think so far! (´ε｀ )♡


	21. Pride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 60+ Kudos! I thank you all so, so much! (๑ˊ͈ ॢꇴ ˋ͈)〜♡॰ॱ

**Tuesday, 11:14**

When Yamaguchi woke up the sun was beaming right into his face. Squinting, he turned around, and saw something he had feared from the moment he had dozen off the night before.

Tsukishima was gone.

The other bedside was still warm, but as empty as Yamaguchi’s mind right now, not quite processing that this was the visual confirmation to realize what Tsukishima’s answer might had been.

Yamaguchi rolled back onto his back, stared at the ceiling, asking himself what he had done wrong.

Maybe he hadn’t done anything wrong. Maybe this wasn’t his fault, at all. Maybe destiny had decided that their relationship wasn’t meant to be in the first place. _Destiny_ he thought, letting out a cynical laugh, _what a shitty thing to believe_. That destiny was the sole reason behind his failure. It was a convenient thought, nonetheless, to say that none of them had a say in this, that they had to rely on destiny for designing their foreordained paths. It was convenient, yeah, but it was pretentious and pathetic, believing that it wasn’t his fault, that he wasn’t compelled to try again, try harder, try at least _once more_ to persuade Tsukishima to stay with him.

Even now, after their unbelievable, never returning night full of passion and desire and giggling and caring about each other, Yamaguchi was still a wimp, still a loser, now more than ever. How could he _ever_ be convinced that someone gorgeous, clever and capable like Tsukishima would want to be with him? With the poor, freckled, ugly body of his? How could he believe someone would really, truly want him?

Yamaguchi let out a half-yawned sigh, tossing around in his bedsheets until his gaze fell on his phone.

11:21, a few missed calls and a message from one of his co-workers.

Wait. Something inside his head tried to push itself into his conscience.

Didn’t he had the morning shift…?

_Oh shit!_

With a painful stab inside his stomach he yanked up, eyes wide in utter fright. He had the morning shift! But here he was, still sleepy and lying in his bed and not even near the hospital.

Heavy swearwords fell from his lips when he slipped into yesterday’s clothes, not giving a shit about his hair or face, or that his backside was sore and his legs wobbly. He snatched his bag and rushed out of the door, hoping he could at least patch up his crippling work performance when his love-life was already going down the drain.

Yamaguchi ran all the way to the hospital, not caring when he bumped into a few nagging people, panting and pitying his sore bones. He hadn’t slowed down until he grabbed the hospital’s back door’s handles, yanked them open and flew up the stairs towards the palliative care unit, wanted to apologize for his terrible delay before he would go change into his scrubs. Wheezing and with stitching sides he arrived at his destination, tried to catch his breath and collect his nerves before opening the doors, walking towards the counter where his fellow co-workers might be working. But when he saw the well-known, perfectly manicured fingernails of a certain moody personnel manager, holding a black folder in front of her chest where her heart might had been ages ago, smirking deviously at Yamaguchi, he knew immediately that he didn’t need to change into his work clothes, ever again.

_Shit._


	22. Ginger

**Sunday, 10:56**

**6 months later.**

Soon after Yamaguchi had returned to his rathole of a flat, with his termination in his hands, he lost his consciousness.

‘Circulatory collapse’ the paramedics had told him after he awoke just enough to call for an ambulance, ironically the one where Ennoshita’s not-so-secret crush had been driving with. The buzzcut-guy stayed much longer than necessary, and Yamaguchi could only guess why the other one had lowered himself down to help Yamaguchi so unbiased, as he was sure he had embarrassed the muscular guy in front of the whole staff. The man made even sure that Yamaguchi called his mother, who arrived at his flat within minutes, worried and crying about her little boy who apparently had much more to shoulder than he had admitted. Gladly, she hadn’t asked him a single question, she just packed up some of his clothes, his phone and laptop while Yamaguchi was wrapped into a thick blanket, his skin cold and sweaty and his eyes staring into the distace, sitting on his couch, thinking about nothing and everything simultaneously. He felt defeated – no, he _was_ defeated, by his crush, his work, his whole _being_ , up to the point where his mother had to bring him home, out of his miserable excuse of a life.

It needed a few days for Yamaguchi to even digest food, and when he eventually did he puked it out soon afterwards. His mother had taken a break from her work, even if there wouldn’t be enough days left so she could go on vacation during the Christmas holidays, and Yamaguchi felt even worse when he realized this.

“I’m worried sick about you”, she said probably about a hundred times, stroking his hair softly, giving him an encouraging look.

Yamaguchi needed a full month to break out of his cocoon made out of self-pity and sadness, and when he took his first step out of his home to take a brief walk he decided to entrust himself into professional hands. He knew he had to tidy up the shards of his shattered life, but he needed two additional months with professional help and a lot of encouragement from his parents to realize that it was time to stand up and beginning to build up his life anew. It was no use weeping over lost things, even if the thought of Tsukishima made him cry every single time, and he knew that getting over his stupid crush would take a lot more time that he initially thought. He never talked about the moody blond, neither with his mother nor with his therapist, even if both perhaps knew that there was one thing Yamaguchi always skipped in his stories.

The nights were the worst.

When he wasn’t able to sleep or had forgotten his sleeping pills his mind trailed off towards Tsukishima, towards their shared intimacies, no matter how much he didn’t want to. His hands caressed an invisible, non-existing shape of pale, warm skin, and he bailed his hands into fists, not able to accept that Tsukishima wasn’t his to have. He thought about visiting the supermarket once again just to see Tsukishima, just to greet him and walk past him, but Yamaguchi _knew_ that would tear his soul apart, seeing the blond living and talking and merely existing, but on his own and not with Yamaguchi. He was sure, seeing the blond going on with his life would make him jump from the nearest bridge.

No, he wasn’t physically able to look into Tsukishima Kei’s golden eyes, which had stared at Yamaguchi so seductively, so tender, so lovingly.

Maybe some other day, but highly likely never.

Three months after his meltdown Yamaguchi had quit his worn-down flat, that had been convenient as long as he had been working in the hospital, but now there were too much bad memories lingering inside these walls, and if he had to start anew, he wanted to do it right. His parents gracefully helped him to bring his belongings to his parental home, and now he was living in his old room, as if the last years hadn’t even happened at all. Yamaguchi wished that this was true, that he had the opportunity to erase the last five years, to start over again without facing his demons altogether.

When the fourth month was over his money reserve began to dwindle. His parents didn’t care, glad that their only child had convalesced insofar that he wasn’t toying with the idea of overdosing on his sleep pills, anymore. But Yamaguchi felt that he had to do something, to fight actively against every hurdle life had thrown at him, so he had been searching for a new job, and had been accepted in a veterinary practice just a few bus stops away from his parental home. For the first time in months he felt needed, useful, and somehow even happy, being treated nicely by his colleagues, the furry patients and their grateful owners. Occupied with his work the thoughts of Tsukishima finally began to subside, but he knew there was still a long road ahead to get the blond out of his system.

Midway into the fifth month, Ennoshita had called Yamaguchi, asking to meet him to talk about what had happened.

“The old hag terminated some other employees, too”, Ennoshita told Yamaguchi, sipping on his much too hot (and for sure much too strong, as Yamaguchi knew Ennoshita) coffee. “They wanted cull their staff, and it was just convenient to cut you off because of some minor issues.”

“That’s… somewhat reassuring”, Yamaguchi replied, smiling sheepishly into his cup of coffee, wondering if he should mention his angry outburst and apologize for his mistake.

“Ennoshita-san”, Yamaguchi began, but the other one cut him off with a gesture.

“I know what you want to say”, Ennoshita replied, showing Yamaguchi a much too cheerful smile, “And I know you’re really sorry about what had happened.”

“Yeah I am, but – “, Yamaguchi began again, but was cut another time by his older former colleague.

“But you don’t have to apologize for anything”, Ennoshita stated, and Yamaguchi gave him a puzzled look. Ennoshita scratched his neck before he continued speaking. “Right after your outburst I was really mad at you, but then – y-you remember the guy with the… _ass_ you ranted about?”

Yamaguchi chuckled, realizing that Ennoshita wasn’t the slightest bit angry, instead he showed Yamaguchi a relieved smile.

“Yeah”, Yamaguchi replied, “who could forget such a gorgeous ass.”

“Thanks for the compliment, buddy”, a deep, growling voice echoed next to Yamaguchi’s ear, followed by a painful clap on his shoulder. Yamaguchi turned around just to see the aforementioned ass, clothed tight-fitting jeans combined with a revealing tank top, grinning at him from ear to ear. With a quizzical look Yamaguchi glanced at Ennoshita, who grabbed the buzzcut’s hand tenderly. 

“Ryu heard what you had been ranting about, who hadn’t, but, ah…”, Ennoshita explained, and slowly everything began to fall into place. “Well, he heard that I seemed to be… interested in his features, so he asked me out a day afterwards. That’s why I skipped the night shift that day.”

Ennoshita giggled softly, absolutely untypically for someone that collected, and Yamaguchi could nothing but smile, the first genuine smile that came over his lips since he had been collapsed five months ago. He was still smiling sillily when the two men bid him goodbye, hand in hand and madly in love, and Yamaguchi stood still for a long time, watching them walk away with wistful eyes. That’s what it might had been like, with Tsukishima, when Yamaguchi might had been able to win the blond’s heart.

This night Yamaguchi cried himself to sleep, only able to doze off when the first rays of light began to illuminate his room.

During the sixth month, he had to take a trip to his old flat, fetching his last remaining belongings from the building’s storage room, his bike and some wrong sent mail the new resident had collected for him. He had just finished storing his bike and a crate with trinkets into his mother’s huge car when his phone vibrated. With a sigh he answered the call, seeing that his mother was on the other side, calling him for what seemed to be the hundredth time today.

“Hi Mom”, Yamaguchi said, trying to sound friendly even if it was kinda annoying when his mother acted like a clucking hen, “Yeah, I’ve just finished with – no, no important papers, he was really nice, but… what?” Yamaguchi pinched the bridge of his nose, walking a few steps unconsciously, “Why do you need…? Yeah, sure, I want it to taste good, too…! Okay, I go look if I get any. Love you, Mom, bye.”

Yamaguchi sighed, deeply.

His mother wanted him to buy _ginger_ , today of all days.

It was Saturday, in a provincial area, the only open market being… he turned sideways, to where his once favorite supermarket was located.

 _No_ , he thought, gulping, _no horde of elephants would get me in there. No. Nonono._

He sighed again, googling if there was any other market where he would fetch a bit of ginger, and realized that it eventually was time to face the inevitable.

He walked around the building, towards the supermarket’s huge, red sliding doors.

Sunday, 10:56, six months after Yamaguchi’s sudden disappearance, and he was walking into the supermarket where probably his former crush and one-time lover might be, and Yamaguchi couldn’t decide if he wanted to see him again, or not. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one chapter to go!  
> But during the last days I've been contemplating about splitting it into two separate chapters to explain some circumstances regarding Tsukishima's behaviour... hmmm... (ー_ーゞ  
> Edit: Okay, there will now be two more chapters! Writing about Tsukki's social shortcomings is just too much fun °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°


	23. Tadashi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (ﾉ> ◇ <)ﾉ♪ Pleasepleaseplease listen to [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=keZdP9ETm4s%20/) while reading, even if it's not in a language you speak, but the mood is amazing! I listened to this because I read some time ago that you should never listen to music in the same language as you write (means for me to listen to german songs while writing in english to remain focused), so I turned this on and it gave me the chills...! ♪“ヽ(´▽｀)ノ”♪  
> If anyone wants a brief translation of this song then I'll be glad to help you out ┐(・。・┐)

**Friday, 21:43**

**Two months since Kei had left Tadashi.**

 

Tsukishima Kei was stupid.

Utterly, truly and thoroughly stupid.

Undeniably stupid.

Why had he been running away? From whom? From what kind of danger?

What _exactly_ had he feared when he had awoken next to the naked, but contently smiling sleeping beauty?

What had he been afraid for?

A bourgeois life in some kind of suburb, with a neatly cut lawn and knitted blanket draped over his armchair? With a dog and a cat and approximately 1.4 children? To state the obvious, Kei hadn't quite fit in the standard model of a caring and docile adult since he had outed himself as gay in front of his family and the few friends that were loyal enough to bear with his quirks. No, being a reasonable member of the (mostly compliant) society had never been his plan, anyway. So why the heck had he been running away? From the _sole_ person that might have been brave and strong enough to endure Kei’s bickering and neediness and his awfully unsocial demeanor?

Two full months had to pass until Kei was sure that he was interpreting his feelings towards the brunet the right way. Two _fucking_ awful, protracted, painfully boring months until he began to realize what he felt for the awkward, stuttering boy. He _liked him_ , he really, really liked Tadashi, and he had hurt the guy he liked in the worst way possible. Kei feared that his one night-lover might have felt used, dirty, and that he didn’t want to see Tsukishima ever again. Not that Tsukishima could blame him if he actually does so. Tsukishima almost wanted to run away head over heels, fleeing again from his responsibilities.

But no, this time Tsukishima didn’t want to let this opportunity to set things right slide through his fingers.

That among a mass of other things was the reason why Kei stood in front of Tadashi’s apartment building, eyeing the doorbell like it was about to transform into a three-headed hydra any second now.

Kei was never one to be able to apologize properly. Mostly because he was convinced that he was always right, and that the other party had to apologize, but this time… He at least owed Tadashi and explanation, provided the brunet would hear him out.

Kei took a sharp inhale, then he walked towards the nameplates and illuminated the console with the flashlight of his phone, searching for Yamaguchi’s name.

A brief look on his phone made him think about appropriateness to ring at someone’s doorbell when the sun had already vanished behind the horizon a while ago, still tinting the cloud’s sides in a faint orange. It was stupidly distressing to even search for Tadashi’s name, and Kei felt a bad kind of remorse boiling up his insides, for faking so much indifference that he hadn't even remembered the tiniest vital thing about Tadashi; currently, how the Kanji for his last name might be written.

Sighing through gritted teeth Kei spent about three more minutes to decipher the names and symbols (and fearing the weird lady poking her nose onto her first floor’s living room window might mistake him for some kind of delinquent), he even tried to count the plates to the sixth floor, but that clearly couldn’t be read as ‘Yamaguchi’.

Kei was confused. Was this maybe not the right entrance? No, as long as he hadn't been absolutely shitfaced the last time (and he hadn't been, he was as sober as a newborn) he was sure this was the right building.

But where was Tadashi’s name?

He scolded himself, for knowing nothing about the boy that obviously adored him so much that he had put his over-boiling feelings aside and let Kei fuck him without knowing his intentions. The boy he had ditched so rudely, so unfairly, so –

“Young man, you stay there another minute and I’ll call the police”, the shaky voice from an aging woman dragged Kei out of his thoughts.

“I’m just trying to find someone” Kei responded, seemingly unaffected, with low voice and his gaze tacked onto the nameplates, and the woman let out an exasperated gasp.

“S-someone to rob! I knew it!”, she replied with a gawking voice, shifting and rustling with the curtains.

“What? No!”, Kei protested, annoyed by the weird lady that was about to thwart his plan to save a relationship that might not been savable. “I’m looking for someone that used to… that lives here”, Kei tried after another moment of useless searching, trying to express as much politeness as possible. “Yamaguchi’s his name.”

The lady thought about it for a moment, then she shook her head. “I don’t know…”, she murmured, racking her silly old brain for some fainting memories.

“He’s… a bit shorter that me”, Kei tried to describe, and even if he hated conversation with useless strangers this might be his only change to get at least any information regarding Tadashi’s whereabouts. “He’s… he has dark hair, a bit longer, and… dark eyes, I think.” _Wow, Kei, dark hair and dark eyes? What an unlikely combination in japan._ Did he really ever believe he’s got some kind of genuine feelings for Tadashi when he wasn’t even able to describe him properly? _I’m such an ass._ “He… mostly he wears lose sweaters, preferably grey. Oh, and he has those freckles, kinda everywhere.” _Those adorable freckles_ Kei thought, painfully remembering their shared night, remembering that those freckles were scattered all over the brunet’s body, and right now Kei wanted to kiss each and every single one of them. 

“Ooooh, the friendly boy that used to live in the sixth floor!”, the old hag said dreamily, and if she wanted to provide Kei, the possible robber, with as few information as possible she did a really poor job. “He always helped me with my dogs when I was on vacation.”

 _And you don’t even remember his name?_ Kei clicked his tongue. _Wait, ‘used to live?’_

“Yeah, where’s he?”, Kei asked impatiently, but the lady began to protest vociferously before he hadn't even finished his sentence.

“I knew it!”, she squawked, “You’re a filthy robber! And you know his flat is unoccupied right now so you and your robber friends can snitch his belongings!”

“I’m not –“, Kei tried to protest, choking down an irritated growl, but the obnoxious lady drowned him out.

“The poor lad, being sick like this, and now he’s getting robbed from you criminal-scum!”

“W-wait, sick?”, Kei blurted out, ignoring the lady’s furious gesticulation. “He was sick?”

 “Yes, there was this ambulance a few months ago”, the lady began to chatter as if Kei had found her gossip-switch, “Then I saw him leave with an older woman…”

“An ambulance?”, Kei asked, cocking his eyebrow, and something about the way he eyed the old lady made her flinch.

“You’re trying to coax informations out of me!”, the lady backpedaled, fiddling with her wired telephone, and Kei could nothing but roll his eyes, hard. “That’s it, get lost or I’ll call the police.

“Fine”, Kei sighed, turned his phone’s light off, and left the babbling old hag to herself.  

_An ambulance?_

_What happened to Tadashi?_

A cold, uneasy shiver ran down Kei’s backside, a feeling he had no idea how to classify.

Was he afraid that something happened to Tadashi? Or was he afraid that it was _his own fault_ that Tadashi had done something terrible to himself? But the keyword ‘ambulance’ brought an idea into Kei’s mind.

The next day – and he still couldn’t believe he was actually doing this – he strode down the hospital’s hallways, searching for something he indeed remembered about the brunet; that he had been working on the palliative care unit. Tsukishima had to inhale a lot of medicine-heavy air to persuade himself to actually walk into the ward, and he was sure even when some of his closest relatives where residents here he wouldn’t visit them. He got _way_ out of his habits for the clumsy, dorky, stupid gu- no, not stupid. Kei was the stupid one. When Kei hadn't been so utterly stupid he might not had been forced to search for Tadashi in the first place. Kei slowly walked down the blank hallways, occasionally peeking into the patient’s rooms, seeing a nurse busy with… well, nurse-work, but he didn’t want to rip someone out of his tasks. There was a black-haired guy sitting in the office, ponding over some kind of paperwork.

“Hey, sorry to disturb you”, Kei probed, and the black-haired man looked up, showing him a forced smile and drowsy eyes. “I’m looking for someone.”

“Oh, okay”, the other one responded, already searching for something, and Kei suspected the other one thought he was some kind of relative.

“No, not a patient”, Kei answered, briefly reading the other one’s nametag: Ennoshita C. “I’m… looking for one of your co-workers. He… told me he works here.”

Ennoshita eyed Kei in the most unpleasant manor, then a small flame ignited inside the nurse's eyes.

“You’re Tsukishima-kun, right?”, Ennoshita stated, surprising Kei.

“How do you –“

“Yamaguchi told me about you”, Ennoshita stated, gaze as neutral as possible, “a lot.”

“Oh.” Kei wasn’t sure if this was something he should anticipate, or not. “Where… where is he now?”

“Shouldn’t you ask him that himself?”, Ennoshita sneered, and Kei had to gulp down a huge clump conspicuously tasting like guild. “Oh, right, you can’t visit him now, you don't even know where his parent's live, right?”

“Tell me where he is”, Kei demanded, but Ennoshita wasn’t the slightest bit affected by Kei’s attempted intimidation.

“No, Tsukishima-san”, Ennoshita replied, already turning back to his work, “You should thank the lord that Yamaguchi’s still with us. You don’t need to worsen things even more. Just… leave him be, okay?”

Kei was boiling with anger. How could this silly looking nurse even dare to speak like this to Kei? He was about to retort something when he felt a weird kind of defeat settled over his soul. He was tired, much too tired to argue with someone that maybe was a tiny bit right about what Kei had done to Tadashi.

“He… got fired.”, Ennoshita eventually stated, quietly, as if he wanted to tell Kei this without actually helping him. “Please, don’t do any more harm, okay? He doesn’t deserve that.”

Kei gave Ennoshita a brief nod before he walked out of the ward, out of the hospital and back to his flat, empty-handed, thoughts whirling around his head like mad.

Tadashi got fired? Why? Was this Kei’s fault, too? Where was Tadashi now? At least he was, well, alive and such, even if the Ennoshita-guy sounded like this was merely a lucky circumstance. Kei wanted to see Tadashi, wanted to comfort him, wanted to apologize for the mess he had created, but he knew, demanding this was just too much. How the heck would he ever be allowed to look into Tadashi’s dark, gentle eyes again? Would they ever meet again, anyway?

The final realization dawned Kei that night when he yanked out of his sleep, sweaty and panting, finally admitting to the thought that, maybe, possibly Tadashi was gone for good, had moved out of his flat, out of Tsukishima’s sight and not in any way accessible for the blond to apologize.

This night the calm, collected, casually unfazed Tsukishima Kei sobbed into his pillow, not knowing how to deal with the unfamiliar hot, boiling feeling of something bordering on burgeoning love that made his life a little bit emptier, a little bit greyer, and a whole lot sadder. 


	24. Kei

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is, the last chapter, and that means I have to part with those two dramatic lovebirds now ｡ﾟヽ(ﾟ´Д｀)ﾉﾟ｡  
> Thanks peeps for staying with he until the end, encouraging me with your kind words and making me feel that not everything I write is shit. ♡♡♡⌒ヽ(´ε｀ )  
> Until next time! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

**Sunday, 11:00**

Yamaguchi walked down the aisles, unwavering, seemingly calm, collected, determined to grab the silly ginger and leave this place behind for good.

He found the smelly root, quickly decided for one of the larger ones and began to beeline back to the checkout, not looking around, not giving everyone wearing a white employee jacket a second look. He almost threw the beige root onto the checkout belt with too much fervor, making the cashier flinch a bit, but he didn’t care; he wanted to get out of here, wanted to leave the place behind, wanted to go home and continue with whatever life he ought to live. He picked some coins out of his wallet and shoved them it into the cowed cashier’s hand, glancing upwards just a tiny bit, unconsciously, inadvertently.

 

And there he was.

 

Tsukishima Kei was standing between the beverages and the water, holding up a heavy-looking box of whine, staring straight into Yamaguchi’s eyes. A moment passed, a second, a minute, without Yamaguchi moving a single eyelash, then, Tsukishima lowered his gaze, returned to his work, unaffected, emotionless, cold. Yamaguchi couldn’t describe the intensity of the twist inside his guts when he absentmindedly took his change and the ginger root, cramming the coins into his wallet and the vegetable in his jacket’s pocket, then he ordered his legs to move, and, much to his surprise, they obeyed immediately. Yamaguchi felt an odd kind of emptiness inside his mind, not the sad kind, but the reconcilable one, realizing that maybe, somehow, he gotten over the blond supermarket employee.

Maybe, his strong, unrequited feelings had finally subsided.

The tears that began to ran over his cheeks the moment he touched his mother’s car told him otherwise. He felt silly, almost wanted to laugh in desperation, feeling dumb and childish and naïve, _fucking_ crying because of someone he had shared a few good days with, _hours_ even, someone who had –

“Tadashi!”

Yamaguchi’s heart skipped a few more beats than just one.

He wasn’t sure if he wanted to turn around, if he wanted to see into golden eyes and hear the satin voice he liked to hear so, so much. He wanted to get into his car, turn the key around and drive away, never looking back. His hand began to move however, towards the cars door handle, key ready to be used, when he heard faint footsteps approaching him. He squeezed his watered eyes shut, wanted to vanish on spot, wanted to leave his petty body behind, but sadly, god didn’t grant him this favor. It almost hurt physically when Yamaguchi felt a pair of arms slide around his chest, pressing him against the front of the sole person he never wanted to see again and wanted to never miss again simultaneously. He felt short puffs of breath tickling his nape, then a nose nuzzled itself into his neck, softly, cautiously.

“I missed you”, Tsukishima’s voice filled Yamaguchi’s mind, voice calm but slightly broken. “I… was an idiot for running away.”

“Yeah, you’ve been”, Yamaguchi replied blandly, not moving his body in the other one’s tight grasp, senses overwhelmed with his touch, his scent, his voice.

“I… was – am so stupid”, Tsukishima tried to explain, throwing every little piece of his poor conversational abilities in the balance, “I… I’m not someone who’s able to handle relationships very good, as you might have noticed – sorry, that was… sorry.”

Yamaguchi choked down a painful clump, simultaneously savoring Tsukishima’s touch and hating the blond for this unsolicited physical contact.

“I… talked myself into running away from this… commitment, even if I couldn’t even know what to expect from it. I was… egoistical, and… stupid.”

“You mentioned that”, Yamaguchi said with a emotionless puff, closing his eyes for a moment, feeling Tsukishima’s warm hands through the thin cloth of his shirt, and he felt as if the other one’s finger began to leave burns.

“Yeah”, Tsukishima said, brushing the tip of his nose over Yamaguchi’s neck, poking the brunet’s hairline with the frame of his glasses. “I never wanted to hurt you in… that way, I – I thought something happened to you, something you had… inflicted to yourself…! I know, I’m not in the position to ask, but… where have you been the last half year?”

Yamaguchi couldn’t bear to answer, he just closed his eyes, tried to inhale the moment, tried to soak in everything he felt at once.

“I… really, really missed you, Tadashi”, Tsukishima said, voice even more broken, so irrevocable uncharacteristically, Yamaguchi wanted to pinch himself to be convinced that this was not just a dream.   

Yamaguchi felt a kiss being pressed against his neck, a kiss that made his knees weak and his hands shiver, and slowly, anxiously he turned around, towards those golden eyes which had seen so much of him, had given him so much, and right now, those eyes were scanning Yamaguchi thoroughly, searching for something to hold on to.

“I… was sick”, Yamaguchi tried to explain at a loss for words, eyes stained with tears, arms dangling uselessly besides his body.

“I’m sorry for being so dense, so… _stubborn_ ”, Tsukishima blurted out, “I wanted to visit you again after I had conquered my stupid restraint, but you were already gone, and your co-worker wouldn’t tell me where you are. I took double shifts in the market so I would be able to see you if you decided to come back, but… you never did… until now.”

“I had to buy some ginger”, Yamaguchi replied if this was the logical conclusion to Tsukishima’s statement, but instead of raising him an eyebrow the blond showed him a cautious smirk.

“That’s, yeah…”, Tsukishima stammered, eyes darting back and forth between Yamaguchi’s eyes and lips. “We got some pretty neat ginger – from a local trader. He… he harvests the best ginger in the region. I… I’m sure it tastes delicious with –”

Yamaguchi never heard what ginger could be combined best with when he leaned forward, tiptoeing just enough to place a soft kiss against Tsukishima’s lips, hands darting upwards to cup the other one’s heated face, brushing the blond’s hairline with his fingertips, and gladly, finally, Tsukishima let himself draw closer, leaning down into the kiss like it was oxygen. Yamaguchi heard himself hum when he opened his lips slightly to for Tsukishima’s tongue to enter, softly swirling around his own, and it felt so good, so perfect, Yamaguchi wanted to never, ever stop kissing. He wanted to breathe Tsukishima, drink him and eat him, so he would never need anything else in his whole life. Believing he had overcome his feelings for even one single second seemed stupid right now. His – let’s face it – love for Tsukishima had never subsided, not a tiny bit. He _never_ got over the lanky blond, and probably never would, and everything else was just a damn stupid way to convince his body and soul from the contrary to not fall into pieces.

Yamaguchi felt his fingers shake and his lips tremble, and again hot tears fell down his face, without restraint, streaming over their connected lips. Tsukishima broke the kiss when he felt the wetness, softly stroking the tears out of Yamaguchi’s face with his thumb, looking down at the smaller man with a gentle, reassuring smile.

“Come on, you crybaby”, Tsukishima said, caressing Yamaguchi’s hair, “You drive to my place and then we talk about things, okay?”

“I’d rather kiss you again”, Yamaguchi replied, messily wiping over his tear-stained face, smiling unconsciously, and Tsukishima didn’t hesitate, kissed Yamaguchi again, tenderly.

“Okay,”, Tsukishima let out, breaking the kiss again while he slung his arms tightly around the smaller brunette, “We’ll make out in your car, and _then_ we’ll talk about everything.”

“Agreed”, Yamaguchi replied with a chuckle, trailing his fingers through Tsukishima’s blond hair, lips brushing against each other’s once more.

Somehow the crushing events of the last year lead to a situation Yamaguchi never would have thought would happen to him. He lost his job, his flat, his crush and nearly his sanity, and thus, here he was, in peace with himself, in the arms of the sole person he wanted to spent his life with. Sure, there was much to learn from each other, many things to talk about, but that would be something Yamaguchi might endure light-heartedly, provided the promise that they would not part so easily ever again.   

Yamaguchi’s life got down to the ground and high into the air, it had been heaven and had been hell and everything in between, and now, when every little piece of the puzzle began to slowly fall into place he was sure that somehow, everything would turn out like it had been destined to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ﾍ(･_| Hey, pssst, kids...  
> ... Somebody want's smutty car-reconciliation-sex? There's the slight possibility... that I've written... !MAYBE!... another chapter... with exact this plotless plot........... Anyone?


	25. Maybe... Love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> （〜^∇^)〜  
> The smutty bonus makeout-chapter (with a tiny bit plot ^^)  
> Thanks for reading!

**Saturday, 11:34**

“Tell me about your sickness”, Tsukishima probed in between hot, feral kisses, sliding his hands up and down Yamaguchi’s backside. They had parked the car about a mile inside some forested area, hidden behind some big deciduous trees, and as soon as Yamaguchi had stopped the engine Tsukishima drew him onto his lap, kissing and touching him as if he feared that someone, something would take the smaller one away from him, again.

“Why d-do you want to talk about this now?”, Yamaguchi retorted, frowning a bit but brushing his fingers through Tsukishima’s hairline nonetheless.

“I want to know everything about you”, Tsukishima replied, “And touch you, simultaneously.”

Yamaguchi snickered silently, continuing to kiss Tsukishima while he thought about what he might want to say.

“They said it was… some kind of post-traumatic stress disorder”, Yamaguchi murmured in between kisses. “Not really bad, though, but I, ah… didn’t eat for weeks, and I didn’t want to leave the couch, a-at all.”

“God, Tadashi”, Tsukishima let out, deepening the kisses, “Tell me more about your personality disorders and I’ll come instantly.”

 _Ah_ Yamaguchi remembered, _Tsukki’s studying behavioral psychology. Let’s see…_

“I’ve had… a mild case of depression”, Yamaguchi choked out, making Tsukishima nibble at his neck, “A-and a bit anxiety. They gave me… some medicine for it.”

“Which medicine?”, Tsukishima asked breathlessly, sinking his teeth into Yamaguchi’s throat, drawing a delicious moan out of the smaller one.

 _Wow, this really turns him on_ Yamaguchi realized, smirking while thinking about this odd kind of dirty talk.

“Citalopram”, Yamaguchi breathed, fingertips digging into Tsukishima’s shoulders while the blond let his lips wander up Yamaguchi’s neck.

“That’s good”, Tsukishima replied hushed, softly biting into Yamaguchi’s earlobe. “And… the side effects? Do they – b-bother you?”

“Not much”, Yamaguchi replied, holding back a needy moan when Tsukishima licked the curve of his ear while his hands roamed down Yamaguchi’s body, gliding under his pants’ waistband. “Just… ah – T-tsukki! D-don’t do this…!” Yamaguchi felt Tsukishima’s pointy, wet tongue inside his ear canal, producing wet sounds and drawing a chuckle out of the brunet.

“The side effects”, Tsukishima demanded, “talk.”

“I-I’m dizzy s-sometimes”, Yamaguchi replied decently, moaning quietly when Tsukishima turned his attention back towards his sensible neck and collarbone. “A-and I’m fidgety.”

“These’re the typical repercussions”, Tsukishima answered, his elaborate choice of words the flagrant contrast to his pleasured humming against Yamaguchi’s Adam’s apple. “You’ll get the same problems when you’re discontinuing them sometime.”

Tsukishima hinted Yamaguchi to lift his arms so he can get rid of his shirt, and the brunet obeyed without hesitation. Tsukishima dipped lower, circling his tongue around one of Yamaguchi’s nipples, and when the smaller one hadn't known if he liked this kind of treatment he most definitely knew _now_. Tsukishima pinched his other nipple between his fingertips, and Yamaguchi had to snap his mouth shut to suppress a needy moan.

“Don’t do that”, Tsukishima said, plucking Yamaguchi’s hand away, “I want to hear you.”

Tsukishima slid his fingers under the seam of Yamaguchi’s sweatpants, toying with the elastic band while kissing the other one again.

“Tell me more about your broken psyche”, Tsukishima demanded with a cocky smirk, and Yamaguchi’s heard did a flip hearing this.

“I-I’m not sure”, Yamaguchi stuttered when Tsukishima’s tongue strode along his jaw while he nudged Yamaguchi’s pants lower, bit by bit. “I could b-be seriously ill in a few years.”

“God, yeah”, Tsukishima muttered, untypically vocal, and Yamaguchi blushed from ear to ear.

“I could be in a clinic”, Yamaguchi continued, feeling Tsukishima’s fingertips brushing over the head of his leaking cock, laying heavy against his stomach. “I-I could be i-incurably sick, I… could be in solitary co-oooh, Tsukki…!”

“Continue, please”, Tsukishima asked, letting his finger glide over Yamaguchi’s dick, spreading pearls of precum around the length, and Yamaguchi wriggled around until Tsukishima was able to rid him of his constricting pants and underwear.

“I-If someone comes here –“, Yamaguchi muttered, but Tsukishima gave him a reassuring kiss.

“No one walks past here”, the blond stated, smirking against Yamaguchi’s lips. “And if someone comes, then they’ll be mildly surprised.”

“B-but –“

“Hey, relax”, Tsukishima said calmly, softly stroking Yamaguchi’s hair, examining the brunet’s features like he wanted to soak in every little inch from the brunet before they might have to part again. Not that that would happen, anyhow. “You sucked be off behind a public supermarket, no need to be shy now.”

“That was something completely different!”, Yamaguchi whined, shutting his eyes close in embarrassment. “I w-wanted it so much back then, and –“

“And now you don’t want it?”, Tsukishima asked, and Yamaguchi slowly opened his eyes, peeking downwards where Tsukishima’s fingers curled around Yamaguchi’s leaking cock. Yamaguchi let himself draw into another long, passionate kiss, feeling Tsukishima’s hand working up and down his length, moaning when the blond twisted his wrist in a way that made his insides shiver in excitement.

“I want – this”, Yamaguchi huffed out against Tsukishima’s mouth, panting hard and unabashedly, “I want this so, so bad, Tsukki.”

Tsukishima chuckled.

“I really like that nickname”, he admitted, kissing Yamaguchi again and again and again.

The brunet began to fiddle with the other one’s pants, fumbling the zipper down with shivering, demanding hands, until he was able to free Tsukishima’s hard cock, flushed in a slight purple, oozing and ready for Yamaguchi to touch.

“D-do you…”, Yamaguchi began to ask, not able to assess how to end this question without bursting from the embarrassment, but Tsukishima seemed to understand.

“We had our first time in a bed”, Tsukishima stated, leaving Yamaguchi’s cock to wriggle his pants a bit lower, so the rough edges would not poke into Yamaguchi’s soft ass. “So… I guess it’s okay to do it in a car now?”

“It’s okay”, Yamaguchi chuckled, half from the utter embarrassment, half from Tsukishima’s teasing lick against his pulse point. “B-but you don’t want to go in dry, or…?”

“Sure not”, Tsukishima responded, briefly looking around the car in search for some substitute lube. He turned around and discovered a box filled with trinkets and some random rubbish that Yamaguchi might have gotten from his old flat, and both their gazes fell onto a dusty can of white wall paint.

“No”, Yamaguchi chided, shaking his head in an almost violent manor, “nononononono! Don’t even think about it! Mom’ll kill me if we –“

“Relax”, Tsukishima giggled, turning around again to look into the brunet’s eyes. “Besides, your Mom’s scolding is your only concern?”

Yamaguchi’s face took the color of a whole field of tomatoes while Tsukishima scanned the car’s insides, trying to ignore his neglected dick.

“This’s you Mom’s car?”, Tsukishima asked, and Yamaguchi nodded. “I’m sure she has some hand lotion or sanitizer somewhere…”

Tsukishima grabbed around Yamaguchi and opened the glovebox, pressing the hatch into Yamaguchi’s back, but soon after Yamaguchi could see Tsukishima’s eyes shine, indeed presenting some half-emptied lotion.

“See”, Tsukishima said, uncapping the lotion and squishing something onto his fingers, “Your Mom’s pretty reliable.”

“Y-yeah”, Yamaguchi breathed, hands propped onto Tsukishima’s chest, asking himself why the blond still had his shirt on while Yamaguchi was practically naked. “Still, please don’t thank her for this when you meet her, okay?”

Tsukishima tossed the lotion onto the driver’s seat, pausing his movement. Yamaguchi hiccupped nervously, realizing what he had just implied.

“Y-you don’t!”, he bleated out, “You don’t have t-to meet her at all, if you… if you don’t want…” His words turned into an unintelligible mumbling, but Tsukishima showed him a untypically gentle smile.

“I’d like to, though”, the blond finally replied, and Yamaguchi felt a tight knot burst inside his stomach. “Someday I… want to meet you family, okay?”

“Okay”, Yamaguchi said, giving Tsukishima a kiss on the cheek, then he turned his attention towards the blond’s dick, looking painfully hard and coated in slick precum. Yamaguchi let his hands slide lower, until he was able to give the head a playful flick with his thumb, and Tsukishima let his forehead fall against Yamaguchi’s shoulder. The taller one’s hand crouched down Yamaguchi’s back, until he was able to softly circle his throbbing entrance, slick fingers gliding around the clenching hole until both weren’t able to wait any longer. Tsukishima pushed his finger inside, and Yamaguchi pressed his hips down, desperately yearning for this tight fullness he longed for such a long time.

“You wanted to tell me about your career as a psychiatric patient”, Tsukishima asked, massaging Yamaguchi’s insides with tentative movements, drawing shallow moans out of the smaller one. Yamaguchi almost choked on air and his own spit, hearing the kinky blond demanding for him to continue his tale. Yamaguchi needed a moment until he was able to speak further.

“I… would be a very bad p – patient”, he moaned out, hot-headed and with closed eyes, chin buried in Tsukishima’s shoulder while the blond nibbled at his neck absentmindedly, listening to Yamaguchi’s tales. “I w-would… try to flee! A-and… I would assault the doctors and – ah…”

Yamaguchi feared that he might not be able to talk intelligible when Tsukishima pressed another finger inside, next to the other one, pressing against the brunet's prostate without any premonition. Yamaguchi moaned so loud he was sure the whole town might hear him, but Tsukishima, the bastard, was literally aiming at making a shivering mess out of him, of that he was sure.

“H-how am I sup-pposed to talk like this?”, Yamaguchi murmured into Tsukishima’s hair, moaning again when the blond found his prostate again, playing with the slightly protruding knot like Yamaguchi was some kind of kinky instrument.

“Just do it”, Tsukishima pressed through clenched teeth, feeling Yamaguchi’s shivering hands around his dick, and if the preparations weren’t soon be finished Tsukishima feared that he might come undone without even being inside Yamaguchi. But the things the brunet made up were just too good to not fall apart. Tsukishima pressed another finger inside Yamaguchi’s tight ass, on one hand convinced that he might endure it (and, most certainly, enjoy the little sting of pain), on the other hand because he wanted to finally, desperately fuck Yamaguchi, let his cock sink inside the delicious tightness of his ass.

“When y-you would be my thera – th-therapist after your graduation”, Yamaguchi continued, using all his willpower to form coherent sentences, “I would wa-ah… w-want you t-to fuck me i-into the matt-tress…!”

 _That’s it, he’s ready_ Tsukishima’s fading sanity decided, drawing his finger’s out of the smaller one’s ass, guiding his throbbing dick into the hot cavern, drawing a surprised moan out of Yamaguchi that would eventually tingle in his ears for days. Painfully slowly Tsukishima pushed the head inside the tightness, almost biting his tongue to not moan like a needy mess. He tried to let Yamaguchi decide about the pace, and gladly the other one was as needy as Tsukishima himself, pushing his ass downwards, until he sat fully in Tsukishima’s lap again. They looked at eat other, approaching one another in another deep kiss, savoring the moment that was so oddly intimate that they both needed a while to continue any kind of movement.

“I’ll move”, Yamaguchi stated, breathlessly, showing a distorted smile, arms wrapped around Tsukishima’s neck while the blond softly stroked Yamaguchi’s hips. “But this feels so, so good…”

“Yeah”, Tsukishima choked out, kissing whatever part of Yamaguchi’s skin got under his lips, remembering his agenda to kiss every single freckle on the other one’s body.

“S-so… full…”, Yamaguchi stated, unabashedly, unembarrassed, smiling like he could not quite believe that they had found each other again, that they kissed and hugged and fucked, and that both decided to get involved with each other once more even if their start wasn’t the easiest one. When Yamaguchi eventually decided to lift his ass, let Tsukishima’s dick glide out of the tightness he moaned and choked back a hiss, while Tsukishima was groaning deeply. Yamaguchi pressed down again, repeated this pattern a few times until both were accustomed to the constricting feeling, until pain had made way for pleasure. Yamaguchi let his hips sway experimentally, drawing a deep moan out of Tsukishima that made his guts boil with pleasure.

“You”, Tsukishima huffed out, “I – I really like you. So much, Tadashi.”

“I… like you, too… Kei.” The mentioning of his first name made Tsukishima’s bones turn to jelly, and he drew Yamaguchi into another sloppy, open-mouthed kiss, humming against the other one’s lips in delight. Tsukishima raised his hips, shoved his throbbing dick even deeper inside the other one’s tightness, and Yamaguchi’s fingernails clawed into Tsukishima’s shoulders. Tsukishima waited a moment for Yamaguchi to raise his ass again, then he slammed his hips upwards, hitting Yamaguchi’s prostate so perfectly it needed only two and a half additional thrusts for Yamaguchi to spill his cum all over Tsukishima’s shirt and his lap. Another deep thrust, and Yamaguchi’s wriggling and clenching ass was everything Tsukishima needed to hit his climax, too, silently panting into the other one’s neck, fingertips bruising Yamaguchi’s hips. Tsukishima needed a moment to see and hear again, a faint beeping remaining in his hearing when he was able to see Yamaguchi again, laying fully relaxed and boneless and panting against Tsukishima’s chest, showing a silly, somewhat peaceful smile.

“You’re okay?”, Tsukishima asked after a while of silent resting, and Yamaguchi, nuzzling into Tsukishima’s chest gave out a relaxed sigh.

“Yeah”, the brunet breathed, and Tsukishima couldn’t hinder himself from stroking Yamaguchi’s tousled hair. “This… I… I really like you, Kei.”

“I like you too, Tadashi”, Tsukishima murmured, thinking about what to say. “You know, I… I could help you enduring the side effects when you stop your medication.”

“Tsukki…”, Yamaguchi let out, a tiny frown building on his forehead, “It could be years until I’ll have to –“

“I know.” Yamaguchi lifted his head, shivering and giving out a quiet, pleased moan when he felt Tsukishima’s spent dick poking against his insides, then he looked at Tsukishima until it dawned him what the other one had implied.

“Oh”, Yamaguchi bloated out. “ _Oh_.”

“Yeah”, Tsukishima stated, kissing Yamaguchi’s forehead. “If you want that.”

“I’d like that, yeah”, Yamaguchi replied, letting himself draw into another kiss, before he broke it, eventually. “But… w-we have to clean up, I guess, and… maybe not make a mess out of my mother’s car?”

“Don’t worry”, Tsukishima replied, nodding towards the glovebox. “There’re a few handkerchiefs inside.”

“I have to thank Mom later for… ah, better not. But I have to call my parents and tell them where I am.”

“Yeah”, Tsukishima replied, pressing another wet kiss against Yamaguchi’s forehead, pulling away with a plop. “And then, I’ll show you my flat, okay?”

“But please, promise me we’ll actually talk this time”, Yamaguchi let out with a tortured smile, thinking about tomorrow’s soreness, and Tsukishima showed him a cocky smirk.

“I’ll… think about it”, the blond replied, and Yamaguchi punched his shoulder, flinching from the sudden pressure against his sensitive insides. “Hey, can’t do anything about it when you’re that gorgeous.”

“Aw… Tsukki”, Yamaguchi cooed, and Tsukishima could almost see the hearts flying around his mind. He chuckled.

“I… really love that nickname.”


End file.
